Dear Clare,

Dear … I don't know what to call you. How about "Unlike My Roomie, I Prefer the Toilet" girl,

Wow, how tolerant you are for not saying anything to her all of first semester when this was going on! Seriously, she is lucky to have you as a roommate. Though this is an unfortunate position for you to be in, it's a lot better than the one she's in. It's amazing that she's never said anything to you about it when it's so obviously happening. I'm sure some part of her will be relieved you are bringing it up, which you just have to buck up and do.

In talking to her about it, tell her that you've done a little research on bedwetting, clinically known as "nocturnal enuresis," and that it is actually more common than she may think: one in every 100 people experience it on a frequent basis. If it was happening when she wasn't drinking, you might advise her to go to a urologist in case she has an infection. Because you said it happens only when she's drinking, it's probably just a reaction to the copious amounts of alcohol she's consuming rather than a medical condition.

Now, it's not your job to solve the problem for her (and thankfully not mine to tell her how to stop it), but I'm sure she would be relieved to know that you are willing to try and help her out with it. Bluntness is going to be the key factor, because you've been skirting around this issue for a whole semester: "Sally, let's have a little chat about this icky stench that creeps into our room every weekend." You can then offer her a few helpful tips — and don't you worry. I've done the work for you and will tell you what they are:

There are breathable waterproof sheets that have "stay-dry" facings she could purchase. These would alleviate the odor and be much more comfortable to sleep on. She should also avoid nylon pajamas and sheets because they absorb sweat and smell. Ick. Again, you don't have to solve this problem for her; you just need to show that you want to help her out. There are, of course, alarms she could purchase that would wake her when she begins her downpour, but she could be too passed-out to notice. This would just be a further annoyance to you, as it would wake you up and let you know what's going on, which you are better off not knowing. If you go out together, you could make a ritual bathroom trip before you hit the sheets, which could help but will not solve the problem. You could also encourage her to consume drinks with less alcohol and decrease the amount of liquid she consumes right before she goes to bed.

As long as she gets the impression that you still love her and are not grossed out by her little habit, an open dialogue can flourish. I am confident that she will try new things in an effort to stop her bedwetting because no one wants to wet the bed.

Good luck, my friend!
Clare

Dear Clare,

The holiday cheer hit me a little hard this year, and I'm having trouble squeezing into my favorite jeans. Until I get back into pre-holiday form, I am not comfortable exercising in front of people at the university gym. I have a Pilates video; the only problem is that every time I try to do it, my roommates either make fun or yell at me, and I end up just shutting it off because I am embarrassed. I have tried to talk to them about this but they just think I'm joking or don't care. Please help!

Sincerely,
Festively Plump

Dear Festive,

What rude roommates to make you feel bad! My goodness, what is going on with roommates lately? The majority of my letters this semester have been about problems with roommates — stop being such jerks to the people who have to live with you! That rant was not toward you, Festively Plump, but to the readers at large — no pun intended. I have to say that while reading your question, I giggled out loud in the Memory Library computer lab at the thought of your roommates yelling at you when you watch your Pilates video. A vision of Jerry Stiller as "Seinfeld's" Frank Costanza yelling at someone helplessly exercising on the floor immediately popped into my head. Why is it that they yell at you? How annoying to have hecklers when you are working out. Being discouraging about your new fitness plan shows that your roomies must be a little lame, though they are probably doing it in good fun. However, I cannot imagine them being so lame as to sit through the entirety of your workout to make fun of you. That is a ridiculous waste of time.

Forget about trying to talk to them about how they are hurting your feelings. Just do your workout. They will eventually tire of watching you do your leg circles and pelvic rocking, though you have to admit these do look somewhat ridiculous, especially the latter. My dear sister used to lie on the couch and laugh at my attempts at ridiculous stretches during my yoga phase, or at beating up the air during my Tae-Box phase. It actually provided some entertainment for me as I recognized the hilarity of me bouncing around the living room by myself, furiously punching into space. You, too, should lighten up a bit, my plump pal, and giggle at yourself along with your roommates, who will eventually leave you alone. Laughing will also help engage your abdominals, further increasing the impact of your workout.

You could also invite your roommates to join in with the swan dives, scissors or roll-ups that are no doubt present in your video. On average, people gain about seven pounds over the holidays, so I'm sure your roommates would like the chance to get back to their "pre-holiday" forms, as well. If they try the video, they will realize how difficult the moves are and probably give you more credit for keeping up with your fitness routine.

Good luck, my friend!
Clare