Dear Clare,

Bugged Buddy

Dear Buddy,

Why do you like hanging out with this guy when he's totally taking advantage of you and the generosity of your other friends? Moochers are annoying, and the funny thing is, they KNOW mooching is annoying, but they also know they can get away with it. It's a vicious cycle, my friend. I'm a prime example of this because I'm a huge gum moocher. I know it's annoying that I always ask, but I also know that 9 times out of 10, my inquiry will get me what I want: a lovely piece of light blue Extra gum.

All you have to do is not let your buddy get away with it. The next time you go to the bar and get a round, just don't include him in it and say, "I'm just getting these kids back because they've gotten me the last couple times we went out." This way you aren't being hugely rude (though that is another strategy you could try) and are letting him know that the mooching needs the stop and the reciprocity should now finally commence.

In terms of lending him money and him never paying you back, I have a very original, creative and, I would say, revolutionary idea: stop lending him money.

And that is why I get paid the big bucks. Yeah right.

Good luck, my friend. Please send me gum.

Clare

Dear Clare,

I have been best friends with "Joe" since freshman year. Recently, Joe told me he was in love with me and wants to have a relationship. I told him I'm not interested and he said he still wanted to be friends, which was fine with me. We have continued to have sleepovers at my place and hang out everyday. It was fine until last weekend when we went to a bar and I started talking to this hot Irish guy. Joe stood there glaring at us the whole time, and then freaked out, went back to my house to get some stuff he had left there and had a fit in front of my roommates. We are such good friends and I don't want to lose the friendship. What should I do?

A Girl who doesn't dig Joe

Dear Girl,

(Let's not get lazy with the alliteration here, kids!)

Oh shoot, another story about platonic boy/girl relationships going awry. As of late I have recently accepted the fact that platonic boy/girl relationships in which the two are "best friends" can only truly exist under two conditions. The first is if the two have grown up together and see each other more as relatives than friends. Platonic relationships are possible here because the conditions in which the two individuals met were pre-pubescent, meaning there was no real issue of attraction on one or both sides. Further supporting this lack of attraction is the fact that the two individuals probably know so much about each other that they are turned off or completely grossed out because they see each other as the farting, burping, braced and frizzed hair pre-teens they have known each other as.

The second condition exists if the two have had a romantic relationship in the past. I really think that platonic relations can exist after a relationship when enough time has passed if there was an actual reason for the breakup. Here of course, time is the most important factor.

As you see, my friend, you fit in neither of these categories. Because you and Joe met freshman year during the peak of high-hormonal times, your platonic relationship was doomed from the beginning. He is not going to be able to get over you as long as you continue under the façade of "friendship." To you, he is just a pal, a buddy, a chum, a crony. To him, you are his crush. When you two spend time together, you are seeing it as different things and unfortunately, this is something he can't just get over right away.

The interesting thing about your relationship is that although you see him as just a "friend," the fact that he is a boy probably makes you treat him differently than you would one of your girlfriends. Do you have sleepovers in the same bed with girls a lot? My guess is probably not, or at least not as often. You should evaluate these differences for two reasons. First, you may realize that the comfort of having a male who you are close to is more appealing in your friendship with Joe than Joe's actual personality. This may be shown in the fact that once you met Irish boy, you started to kind of ignore Joe a little bit as his role of comforter was slowly replaced. This realization is very important because it will help you with what I'm about to say: You and Joe have been friends since freshman year, and though it seems like eternity now, perhaps the tenure of your friendship has passed and you just need to move on for a while. True you are "best friends" and the thought of "losing his friendship" is scary now, but honestly, people change, and it is more than possible that your best friend now may not be your best friend in the future. This may sound pessimistic, and it is, but you can't realistically expect him to not care when you are flirting with another dude right in front of him. Perhaps you can resurrect the friendship in time when he starts dating someone else, but for now, you can't maintain the friendship.

No matter what Joe says about wanting to stay friends, he will not be able to convince his heart. Wow, what a cheesy sentence! Sorry about that, but honestly, you are just killing this guy by continuing to hang out and have sleepovers.

Having time away may also make you realize that you, in fact, really care for him and maybe do have feelings for him. Absence makes the heart grow fonder (sometimes) so take a little breather and see where things are in a couple months.

Good luck, my friend!

Clare