The action genre is about to be turned on its head. Van Damme may return to the silver screen with a follow-up to the blockbuster "Bloodsport." Dolph Lundgren is putting out surprisingly solid flicks, and The Rock is on pace to put out at least five action movies next year alone.
More importantly, an old figure is on the prowl. Call him Judge Dredd … call him the Demolition Man … call him whatever you want, Sylvester Stallone is back. With impending releases of "Rocky VI" and "Rambo IV," the Last Action Heroes decided to debate which series packs more action. Yo Derek, drop some English.
Derek:
Sylvester Stallone is an impressive action hero. While not packing the resume of a Van Damme or Seagal (he did star in "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!"), Stallone leads the way in one of the two greatest action series of all time. The man bleeds action. And if the blood of Stallone were filled with any type of blood cell, it would most certainly be type-RambO.
The movie "Rambo" was ahead of its time as an action movie. The only flick that really compares is "Delta Force" and by the time that movie came out, Stallone was already in preproduction for "Rambo III." Not only did all three Rambo flicks actually star Stallone, they recently picked up the option for a fourth film. Characters in "Delta Force" and "Iron Eagle" change from movie to movie. Norris wasn't even the main character when "Delta Force 3" came out. What you got Goat? What you got on Rambo?
Goat:
RambO blood? Please. If anything, Stallone's blood is composed mainly of steroids at this point — he looks unnaturally ripped for a 59-year-old man. That aside, there is no contest over which of Sly's many films are his best — the "Rocky" series wins, hands down.
This is a bold statement, as I'll readily admit that "Rambo" is one hell of an action extravaganza. Not only does it showcase Stallone killing countless worthy adversaries, but it also tells the tragic tale of a war hero unappreciated by his own country.
That said, "Rambo" still falls short of the epic that is "Rocky." Sure, Stallone doesn't kill hordes of military elite in the films. The thing is, he doesn't have to. "Rocky" offers some of the most intense beatdowns since "The Warriors" and captivating plot lines to boot. But for Stallone, this intense action wasn't enough. The ridiculous list of action greats that Rocky beats down over the course of the series is second-to-none, including Thunderlips (Hulk Hogan), Clubber Lang (Mr. T) and Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren). What does "Rambo" have when stacked up against greats like Mr. T, Hulk Hogan and Dolph Lundgren? A bow and arrow and mighty mullet? Give me a break.
This all leaves me to wonder who will guest in "Rocky VI." The possibilities are endless, with plenty of young action greats who would probably love to star alongside Stallone as Mason "The Line" Dixon. Does The Rock ring a bell? Rock — Rocky. Coincidence? I think not.
Derek:
Good one, Goat. Nice try, but no cigar. In fact, have a machine gun or maybe a rocket launcher … because there is no shortage of these in any "Rambo" flick. The "Rambo" series possesses everything a crazy action fan would want from a 1980s action flick.
We've got guns, rockets, grenades, fists, bullets, explosives and the sexual tension that naturally comes with being a mentally unstable Vietnam Vet. With taglines like "God would have mercy, but John Rambo won't" and "They sent him on a mission and set him up to fail … but they made one mistake … they forgot they were dealing with Rambo," you can't go wrong.
So the "Delta Force" series was unmatched with its obvious mission of spreading American propaganda. Rambo beats down foreigners in this series like no other. In the second installment, we have Rambo beating down Americans, Vietnamese and Russians all in the name of saving American prisoners of war. In the last installment, Rambo becomes a Mujahedeen rebel and beats down even more Russians. He was America's ICBM during the 1980s (Inter-Continental Badass Madman). The man was bad and if you missed the first, he's definitely a madman.
As with all great action series, one has to have logical, natural life progressions. In the first movie, Rambo freaks out at police and by the third he is Buddhist and fighting with Afghani rebels against the Soviets.
Sure, Mr. T and Dolph Lundgren starred in the Rocky series. Big deal. Besides one good action movie in recent years, Dolph has been off the map. Mr. T has done phone commercials and was spotted with Carrot Top at an awards ceremony a few years back. That's how bad he is. You see, people are afraid of the foreign, the unknown. Yet, Rambo beats down and flatlines foreigners more often than you see Uggs on Langdon Street. Rambo is simply Chuck Norris with brass balls. Let's hear it Goat.
Goat:
I'll have you know Mr. T was battling cancer for a long time. And I'm sure he pitied the foolish disease that'd try to invade his body. D-rock, if you think beating down foreigners gives Rambo any sort of edge, you should really watch a "Rocky" movie. I'll again mention Ivan Drago, the Soviet fighter who not only beat down but also killed Rocky's best friend and life partner, Apollo Creed. Thirsty for redemption, Rocky faced certain death from the Russian simply to give him nothing more than the beatdown of his life. Drago's underhanded tactics didn't matter — Rocky is unstoppable when he's determined.
This brings me to my next point: Rocky would easily take Rambo in a fight. Now before you laugh this off and say that Rambo would just shoot Rocky, think a little. If you threw Rambo and Rocky into a steel cage with no weapons, no gloves and no choice but to fight to the death, my money is on Rocky 100 percent of the time.
We're talking about a man who punches sides of beef in freezers for fun and enjoys a tall glass of raw eggs. What does Rambo have? Oh yeah, the bow and arrow and mullet again. Lame.
And why, Derek, haven't I heard a single thing about the new "Rambo" movie other than you telling me that they're making it? The Associated Press, CNN and Rolling Stone all ran articles as soon as the "Rocky" news broke, but nobody seems to care about little old Rambo. Maybe because his movies aren't as good …
Derek:
You haven't heard much about the next "Rambo" simply because the "Rocky VI" revelation has finally come to fruition after years of rumors. Most of the great action movies these days don't get much hype or much fanfare. How many of you remember when "Double Dragon" the movie hit movie theaters? Exactly.
The plotlines are too absurd and the taglines too incoherent to classify this as anything not as good as the "Rocky" series. Rambo simply doesn't care about anything in any of the three flicks and he shows it by destroying almost everything he comes in contact with. But I care about you guys, the readers. Spend your hard-earned money on one of the Rambo movies. You can't go wrong.
Goat:
Oh, D-rock. It's not enough that you think "Rambo" is the better franchise, you have to try to take our readers down with you? Have you no heart?
Yes, any and all of the "Rambo" flicks are enjoyable. But that's like saying a candy bar for breakfast is enjoyable. Though you'll enjoy "Rambo" while you partake, soon after viewing you'll inevitably crash and be left feeling empty and craving something of substance. "Rocky," on the other hand, is like a thick, juicy t-bone steak with a baked potato on the side — every bit as enjoyable as the candy bar and it'll leave you satisfied for a long, long time.
When it comes down to candy bars and t-bones, I love both — but I'd rather be eating a t-bone right now than munching on a Butterfinger. "Rocky" offers everything action fans crave, whether it is great one-liners or brutal beatdowns.
And in case that's not enough, the original also won three Oscars back in 1979. But, you know, "Rambo" is cool. It's not like critics have ever been right about anything. Game. Set. Match.
The Last Action Heroes want to hear from you!!! Which Stallone project are you most looking forward to? Let them know by dropping Derek and Ryan a line at [email protected].
