While I was driving in my car last week, I turned the radio to Connie and Fish during the middle of an interview … about balls — as in testicles. Actually, it wasn't about balls, it was about Ballsies.

That's right, I said Ballsies. We're talking sterling silver testicle necklaces for women. I listened to the creator, who has managed to sell these for a year, explain to Connie and Fish that she wanted to give women the chance to "get some balls!" but of course, make them "cute" and sell them in a pretty pink suede pouch, or … um … sack.

I didn't realize balls represented such power and confidence, but there was so much hype about Ballsies that I checked the website as soon as I could. The women wearing Ballsies looked so happy and excited, and the little testicle charm was sparkling around their necks. The home page reiterates, "Strength, guts, independence and attitude: Ballsies are everything you are, just slightly more bulbous." Sure, women can be strong and independent, but do testicles really have attitude?

I know the creator was going for "cute," but the name "Ballsies" threw me off. That's turning those manly sexual organs into girly objects like panties, or scrunchies … or boobies. I don't think balls are supposed to be cute, or jewelry. Or cost $54.95.

So what's the deal with balls? My first experience with balls was in elementary school. I have a childhood friend who got kicked in the balls at recess and he ended up having to have one of his testicles "removed." The worst part was that he got kicked by a girl, and we called him Uno from then on. He cried. He was embarrassed. I didn't get it.

The testicles do produce sperm, so maybe that is kind of a big deal, but for some reason I feel like Danny wasn't worried about reproducing in third grade. For some reason, balls equal manhood and without a testicle, he was half the man — er, third grade boy.

Looking back at the third-grade ball-kicking situation, I think it's safe to say that balls are to men what boobs are to women. If they are too small, or if you are missing one, it's going to be uncomfortable and you will feel insecure. And guys can't buy padded bras. Poor Danny.

But from my experience, girls don't really know what to do with testicles or why they are there or why guys care so much about them. That doesn't mean we need to turn them into jewelry. Talking to my female friends, I got everything from "I just see guys scratch them a lot," to "They are kinda weird looking," to "I have heard they like it when you suck on them and give them a little tug."

Considering Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls song from South Park ("Stick'em in your mouth and suck'em!"), I imagine there are guys who like some testicle play. But according to my friend Adam, "Don't jangle them too much — there is a reason they are called 'test-tickles!'" Wow. If you want to know what to do with the testicles, ask the testicles you're with because it's different for everyone.

But ball play is beside the point. Back to Ballsies. I am a frequent user of the phrase, "Get some balls!" and I never really thought about this conundrum until the professional-looking Ballsies website opened up on my computer screen and the happy faces of testicle-clad women were smiling back at me. Another common saying came to mind and made me a bit worried …

When yelling "Get some balls!" to someone, you are referring to the testicles — a male sexual organ — and you are telling someone to find some courage and get something done like a man. But to yell, "You're a pussy," — a common synonym for the female sexual organ — means you are weak and lame, like a little girl. So why am I reinforcing gender stereotypes and telling girls to grow some testicles?

Instead of buying myself some over-priced sterling silver balls on a chain, I think I'm going to retire the saying. For you women out there, instead of purchasing a testicle necklace as a symbol of confidence, start using the phrase, "Get a vagina!" Is someone too scared to take a beer bong? "Get a vagina!" No one will go streaking in Camp Randall with you? "Get a vagina!" No one will train for the IronMan with you? "Get a vagina!" And you can take that $54.95 and put it towards a nice pair of high heels … a real sign of power.

Besides, you don't want to support a website that is equipped with nut puns and horrible poetry about ball sacks, including: "I hang my sweet Ballsies / Between my two breasts / So men know what's up / When they stare at my chest." Umm … from what I know, if guys see a woman with testicles, they run the other way. Because: a) balls are gross and b) women don't need balls on their chests, because they have something better — boobs.

I think I disgusted plenty of my male friends by showing them www.ballsies.com. The necklaces, which also come in a keychain, earned one "raunchy," four "stupid" and two "ridiculous" comments. And the creator said she wouldn't make Ballsies earrings because next to long hair, they looked too realistic. Yikes.

From my male judges, I also learned plenty of gross balls stories about sweating, clinging, shaving, hurting and running. And although "Ballsies don't sweat / Ballsies don't cling / Ballsies are cuter / Than the real thing," trust me, you don't want to let those things come near your neck.

As far as I know, balls aren't all they're cracked up to be and both women and men would prefer life without testicles. But to let men keep a little bit of dignity, make sure not to call your male friends' testicles "ballsies," or associate them with jewelry and hot pink gift bags. And if you do buy a Ballsies necklace for some added confidence, please don't wear it to a job interview.

Aubre Andrus is a senior double-majoring in journalism and communication arts. She thought the Ballsies keychain was cute for 1.5 seconds and then decided it was gross. She can be reached at [email protected].