Today, the Last Action Heroes investigate a lost soul of the action genre. After starring in mega-blockbuster hits like "Masters of the Universe" and "Rocky IV," Dolph Lundgren seemed to vanish completely from the action radar. However, Dolph has been pretty busy in the past decade starring in movies like 1999's "Bridge of Dragons" while making cameos in such highly acclaimed flicks as 1995's "Johnny Mnemonic." Dolph's latest movie, "Direct Action," hit the Blockbuster shelves this summer and will be the topic of interest in this great installment of the Last Action Heroes.

Goat:

Yes, you've read correctly — Dolph is back. The cover of "Direct Action" makes Dolph look eerily similar to Daniel Craig, the man recently selected to play James Bond. Either the producers of "Casino Royale" simply forgot about Dolph, or the action star felt that Bond was not up to his standards. After viewing the action buffet that is "Direct Action," it's clear that Lundgren's standards are second-to-none.

He stars as Frank Gannon, a member of the elite Direct Action Unit police force. Lundgren has unfortunately lost his trademark high-and-dry flat-top of yesteryear, now donning a chic mop-top similar to that of Viggo Mortensen in "A History of Violence." Though his hair has changed in his time away from the game, Dolph hasn't lost a step since starring alongside action great JCVD in "Universal Soldier." On a quick side note, the LAH would like to wish a happy birthday to the Muscles from Brussels, who turned 45 yesterday.

The intro of "Direct Action" is a montage of incredible beatdowns and peak action moments set to intense rap beats. Dolph manages to clock over a dozen beatdowns in just the intro sequence — a sign of the pain that is yet to come over the course of the film.

Derek:

The villains in "Direct Action" adhere to one of the great rules of the action genre: If you appear in an action movie with facial hair, or your hair is greased up and slicked back, then you are probably a villain. In all, 10 characters appear in "Direct Action" with facial hair or their hair slicked back and all 10 are villains. We made extra effort to find good guys with facial hair, but we were unable to do so. The only time we did find good guys with facial hair was when Dolph somehow convinced two of the villains to switch sides. So, take it from us: Action Movies + Character with Facial Hair and/or Nappy Hairstyles = villain.

Goat:

Good call on the great facial hair conspiracy, Drock. Interestingly enough, I noticed something else rather peculiar in "Direct Action" — Dolph is the only character in the entire film with blond hair. Weird, huh?

Dolph portrays a complex character in "Direct Action." He turns down donuts and cake in favor of his one true vice — sugar-free gum. In almost every scene of "Direct Action," viewers see Dolph putting a fresh piece of gum in his mouth, totaling at least eight different pieces of gum throughout the film. The adage of "kicking ass and chewing gum" is in full-force here, though Dolph seems to have plenty of gum to go around. It actually makes me wonder what sort of gum budget the film had. Almost every time Dolph prepared to hurt someone he first popped some sugar-free gum, making gum seem to Dolph what spinach is to Popeye.

Lundgren begins his adventure by showing a rookie cop the ropes — namely, beating down a group of hooligans in a local restaurant. Rather than ask the men what they are doing or tell them to stop, Dolph storms into the restaurant and proceeds to snap limbs and kick groins all around. The owner of the fine establishment immediately offers Dolph his niece's "services," something he turns down in favor of getting back on patrol and dispensing more beatdowns. He immediately responds to every police call that comes through on the scanner, fearing no henchman or baddie.

Derek:

The one-liners in here could have only come from a movie starring the former Master of the Universe. When talking to a corrupt cop and realizing his beloved Direct Action Unit was being jeopardized, Dolph is nearly convinced by his captain to join the dark side because without the D.A.U., the streets would crumble and fall in to chaos. "We're holding these streets together like f-cking super glue," the captain says. Dolph reacts by popping a piece of gum into his mouth — a sign he is ready to kick ass and/or that he is getting agitated.

Later in the movie, trainee Billie Ross utters to Dolph "guns are not my foreplay — FORTE." While the tongue slip was inadvertent, her desire to slip her tongue into Dolph's mouth is not overshadowed throughout the movie's 96 minutes. The ending depicts Ross and Dolph dancing and eating a nice dinner together while the color fades to black and white. Indeed, there would be more action after the curtain call.

The last great one-liner in the movie comes when a corrupt cop uses temptation as a tactic to lure Dolph over to the corrupt side. He offers Dolph an IRA account, a promotion and the opportunity to share in the city's great wealth. "You got something to share? Share it with the grandchildren," Dolph remarks before breaking the villain's arm in half.

Goat:

A movie like "Direct Action" certainly sounds like it's primed to deliver a heavy dose of action — and it does. Dolph himself registers 27 kills, 33 beatdowns and one emotional beatdown.

The pivotal moment of the film occurs as a group of thugs are prepared to kill an already injured Lundgren. Dolph, wily as ever, grabs the thug's nuts and twists — effectively evening the odds in the situation. Dolph fears no foe, killing his fellow cops without thinking twice about it. Eat your heart out, Ice T.

Some of the peak action moments see Dolph emerging from a large explosion and cocking a shotgun, throwing already-chewed gum on dead bodies, donning a belly shirt and giving a man blood nipples — something unseen since "The Jackal."

The beatdowns in "Direct Action" pack a certain oomph often not found in action films. While hard to describe, they sound much more painful than the average Chuck Norris spin-kick or Seagal nut-shot. Lundgren shatters bones left and right, but takes a beating in his own right.

"Direct Action," simply put, impressed me in ways I never thought it could. Dolph is still a believable action hero, with this film outdoing anything Seagal has produced over the last few years. His hard work shines through, earning "Direct Action" a high grade of three Chuck Norrises and a bonus Viggo Mortensen.

Derek:

The plot of "Direct Action" is about what one can expect from an aging action star relegated to the Straight-to-Blockbuster realm. I will admit, at almost 50 years old, the gum-chewing former He-Man is quite intimidating. Like Seagal, Dolph shows throughout the movie that he is as proficient with a gun as he is with his fist. The man knows how to beat down villains. The stare he inflicts upon bad guys in the movie is not only intimidating — it's downright scary. Even when sizing up trainee Billie Ross, Dolph's gaze remains the same. However, one might be able to find a smirk at the end of the movie when Dolph asks Ms. Ross out to dinner.

In real life, Dolph is the pinnacle combination of intelligence and muscles. Lundgren holds a degree in chemical engineering, has an IQ of 160 and has filmed his own workout video, "Maximum Potential," in 1987. Finally, like Michael Jordan and Jay-Z, Dolph has come out of retirement to continue his legacy. After officially retiring from acting on April 19, 2002, to spend more time with his family, Dolph has come back with a vengeance filming such recent blockbusters as "Fat Slags," "Retrograde" and "Detention."

For all of the superb action and variety of brutal beatdowns, I give "Direct Action" three JCVDs and a bonus Daniel Craig.

The Last Action Heroes want to hear from you!!! Do you have a favorite action movie the LAH have overlooked? Let them know by dropping Derek and Ryan a line at [email protected].