Knock, knock. Who's there? Would you. Would you, who? Would you like to see my genitalia? Umm, no.
Repeat the above situation roughly 75 to 100 times and you have the major plot points of Lions Gate Film's latest, "Waiting … ," which is a movie that consists of, simply put, one big penis joke without a punch line. Through a string of juvenile pranks and humor, the film manages to ask 'insightful' questions like "What makes you a loser at life?" "Why are restaurant patrons such jerks?" and, perhaps most importantly, "How do you feel about full-frontal male nudity?"
It doesn't take long to figure out the major career inspirations of newcomer writer-director Rob McKittrick, although the end "thank you credits" further confirm the nagging suspicions. (Read: "Thank you Mom, Dad and Kevin Smith for making this all possible … ") That said, "Waiting … " is basically a less funny, Technicolor version of "Clerks," complete with its own chronic-craving Jay and Silent Bob, or rather two Jays and no Silent Bob, to make the Smith sampling less blatant.
This time around, the convenience store has been replaced by Shenanigans, a friendly bar and grill where license plates, autographed headshots and stuffed animals clutter the walls and the employees don't know which they hate more: their customers or their pathetic lives. Again, this has been done already — "Office Space," anyone?
With a great comedic cast, including Ryan Reynolds ("Van Wilder"), Anna Faris ("Scary Movie") and Justin Long ("Dodgeball"), "Waiting … " has the potential to be hilarious, but falls short due to a plot that comes across very much like a one-legged duck trying to swim — funny to watch for awhile, but in reality, it just doesn't go anywhere.
Reynolds stars as Monty, the self-proclaimed king of Shenanigans and waiter, who is assigned the task of training the establishment's newest hire, Mitch. This training is, of course, anything but ordinary, as the newbie is not shown skills relevant to waiting tables, but rather instructed on the finer intricacies of a "revealing" game played by the male staff members. Perhaps not the best ethical choice for a peer trainer, Monty shows his protégé the finer arts of violating the health code in order to deal with hostile customers as well as hitting on jailbait customers and co-workers.
Given the material, Reynolds makes the best of a bad situation and his impeccable comedic timing shines through a script littered with gross-out humor. It was refreshing to see the actor back in a comedic role after his performance as the psychotic father, George Lutz, in last year's remake of "The Amityville Horror." His portrayal of Monty seemed reminiscent of his performance as the charismatic "Van Wilder," except this time instead of hosting wild parties on campus, Reynolds found himself hosting dinner-shift after parties.
Amidst the childish antics of the restaurant plot, McKittrick unsuccessfully tried to integrate a serious subplot centered on the personal growth of Dean, the waiter (Justin Long) who is coping with missed opportunities since high school graduation. While this storyline was quite touching, its warm and fuzzy sentiment didn't seem to fit among the sea of bodily fluids and sexual references.
To round out the homage to Kevin Smith, MTV's resident headache, Andy Milonakis, and Max Kasch star as Nick and T-Dog, the slacker bus boys who can't seem to shut up about drugs and the female anatomy. Two "Jay" wannabes are just too much to handle. Nearly every scene involving them depicts a new way of getting high, a hallucination or freestyle raps that make Vanilla Ice look like a lyrical genius. This humor increasingly grows tiresome until the funniest thing about them is Andy Milonakis' nappy, braided locks.
To speak in restaurant terms, "Waiting … " is anything but 'well done.' The movie has its comedic moments, but consider 'waiting' to rent it. Better yet, just go watch "Clerks."
Grade: D
