Dear Clare,

— Amorous Ana

Dear Amorous Ana,

Hurrah to your creative little pseudonym! We are onto assonance (resemblance of sound — usually with vowels). Kudos, my friend!

Now, on to your ridiculous question. It's exciting when I can use "Saved By the Bell" references to help my fellow book-busters (how I love a thesaurus), and I will use this opportunity to do so. Do you NOT remember when Kelly was in love with professor Jeremiah (honestly, who wouldn't have a crush on him, though)? Not only was Zack heartbroken, but it was just a bad situation as long as she was his student. Even though they enjoyed a very brief, uncomfortable and semi-awkward relationship after she withdrew from his class, Jeremiah ended up being humiliated in front of his students by the ever-studly, yet irate Zack … whom she ended up marrying in one of the most memorable moments in television history.

There are many underlying lessons one can take from this fabulous episode. It first reminds me of how wonderful that show was and how such stupid trash such as "Laguna Beach" or "The OC" (I'm sorry, I just can't help it) would never tell you that "There's No Hope with Dope" or try to steer you away from the scary caffeine pills that take over Jessie's life, causing her to spontaneously break into sobbing versions of "I'm So Excited!" But my personal feelings aside, it was a great way to show that even someone as hot as Kelly Kapowski couldn't make it work with an academic superior.

This example isn't completely accurate because a TA is usually younger than a professor, and therefore the whole creepy age thing really isn't an issue. I'm guessing you know that being romantically involved with a TA, professor, or any other member of the UW staff is completely against policy and could get you and the apple of your eye in tons of trouble. Robert Roth, a hunky TA in the geography department said that if he suspected one of his students to be crushing on him, he would want her (or him, to be PC) to back off so things wouldn't get uncomfortable: "I would hope that she wouldn't approach me about anything like that until after the final grades are issued. Otherwise, it could get awkward." He also said that while going through training, TAs are told that they aren't allowed to pursue romantic relationships with a student while he/she is still the TA's direct student. If you must profess your love at some point or want to see if there really is a TA in your future, don't approach your mesmeric mentor until after the class is over. That way, when he tells you he is happily married to his high school sweetheart with whom he has nine children, two dogs and three cats, you will never have to see him again.

When one is in love, however, these frightful consequences of absolute humiliation or causing this guy to lose his job may have little effect (think Romeo and Juliet), so I will give you some more reasons:

1. Consider the fact that your TA may not have the same feelings and actually thinks you are hugely annoying. Though he may be polite on the surface, perhaps he completely loathes your little chat time before and after class and actually tries to hide from you. You shouldn't take his friendliness or willingness to discuss an assignment with you as love. He's probably just doing his job and isn't interested.

2. Consider the fact that the only reason you are so into the TA is because of the beautiful verbal eloquence that escapes his lovely lips as he discusses such wonderments as using agar to stimulate bacteria growth or why Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln had to consciously violate the Constitution in order to save it. Think about how you would feel if you met this guy at the KK on Saturday night: would the migratory pattern of sea turtles really sound as fascinating then as it does in the 9:55 a.m. discussion when you have nothing better to look at (except for my column on Wednesdays, of course)?

3. Consider the fact that if he is interested, he could contact you after the semester ends. One of my dearest friends got a big shock last year when one of her TAs from a previous semester e-mailed her and asked if she wanted to go have coffee. She declined because she couldn't have been less interested, but even though she was no longer his student, it is still awkward when they happen to bump into each other at the building he currently teaches in. Now, this isn't said to get your hopes up; the chances of this happening to you are very slim because they are rare — and because my friend just happens to totally be as hot as Kelly Kapowski.

4. Sorry if this came off a little harsh, but you should understand that having such feelings for someone you regard as wise and knowledgeable is completely natural. I'm thinking that you are completely glamorizing this dude and making him out to be your other half, even though your conversations have been completely limited in content. Don't withdraw from the class to pursue him because you will probably just end up messing up much-needed credits. If it's meant to be, it will happen; so cliché but something I've always believed in (sigh). So rather than fret about your possible love for this TA, chill out, enjoy his class and try to think of all the bad things about him that would eventually come to annoy you (socks and sandals, an absurd amount of stickers on his laptop, his insistence on using big words with too many consonants in a row, etc.).

Good luck, my friend,
Clare

Have a question? Get it answered! Send your questions about love, school or anything else to Clare ([email protected]) and it could appear in a future column.