Dear Clare,

— New Friendless Freshman in Ogg

Dear Friendless (or "Friendful" may be more accurate),

As an older and wiser human being, I commend you for wanting to step out of your comfort zone. The plight you write about is common — people are too scared of being lonely for the first couple weeks of school so they stick with what they know and miss the opportunity to make new and lasting friendships. Our lovely school is big, and the first few weeks of your freshman year are vital for forming new relationships.

I advise you, my young friend, to branch out without having the security blanket of your high school posse at your heels. How do you do this? You hear it all the time during welcome week, but your solution, my friend, is to join something! The Student Organization Office website (http://soo.studentorg.wisc.edu) has a mega-long list of hundreds of clubs you can join. Join anything, whether the Hoofers Sailing Club, University Choir, Break-Dancing Club, UNICEF or the College Democrats. Join without telling your high school friends, and be very vague about what you're up to. When they ask, make it sound utterly unappealing and boring so they will have no interest in tagging along with you. Now, of course, honesty is the best policy, so don't completely lie, but this way you are being independent without letting them know you are desperate to ditch them. You being unavailable on occasion may weird them out a bit, but I am confident that the ones who are truly worth your time will hang around.

In sticking with the "unavailable" theme, don't make it a habit to go to every meal with them and every house party you manage to stumble on. Instead, go to dinner with people you meet in your organization of choice or from your dorm floor.

If you're really brave, just go up to a table in the cafeteria and ask if you can join. Of course, there are huge risks of horribly awkward moments or weird glances, but you never know who you'll meet or be introduced to, so take a chance! I actually met a charming young lady freshman year by going up and asking to join her for lunch. A couple of months later, she called to ask if I wanted to be roommates for the next school year.

If you are a first-semester freshman, you are expected and allowed to be awkward and uncomfortable most of the time, so take full advantage of your opportunity! You are likely to meet more people the first few weeks here than you are in the next three years combined. I would like to take a moment to also caution you on becoming "best-friends-for-life and total-soul-mates" with the first person you have a somewhat decent conversation with. In a couple weeks you may realize that he or she is a crazy kleptomaniac who watches you while you sleep and steals all your shoes while you're in the shower. Focus instead on meeting as many people as you possibly can. This way you will have a large selection of people to choose from when you are trying to find that best buddy or potential housemate.

So turn that phone off (or at least on silent to get away from the high school gang), write "gone for an indeterminate amount of time" on the whiteboard of your door and go out by yourself to try meeting some new friends. I used to try to meet five new people each day freshman year. I'm also a spazz, but setting a similar goal will force you to branch out. It also gives you something to talk about. For example: "I'm Clare! You're No. 4 today!" Potential new friend: "Ha ha. I'm Chet. What do you mean, No. 4?").

I apologize for having to use a cliché (and one from Girl Scouts, nonetheless) but remember: "Make new friends, but keep the old." Don't become too cool for your high school cronies. Rather, be polite-yet-unattached. You will most likely get grief over Thanksgiving after your high school friends have spread the word that you are not hanging out with them every second, but at that point you can simply tell them that you wanted to try meeting new people because that's what college is all about! Do NOT tell them this before you make the new friends because then when you do see them on occasion, they will think (and rightfully so) that you would rather not be hanging out with them. Better to tell them after the fact. They can't get mad at you for meeting new people. If they do, they are lame and you are better off without them.

I'm excited for you, young fledging! You have four fabulous years ahead of you!

Good luck,

Clare

Dear Clare,

— Puppy Love in Madison

Dear Puppy Love,

The practical answer that I should give you is to get a muzzle or shock collar for your pesky pooch. According to an animal expert from www.experts.about.com, the shock collars available at www.drfostersmith.com are even successful on "stupid dogs."

Being a dog-lover myself, however (please note I specified "dog," not the general term "animal"), I would have a hard time shocking my loveable dog because he didn't like some boy. I have a better alternative for you.

I advise you to choose between the boy and the pup. I am pulling for the dog because there is probably some reason he doesn't like your boyfriend. Perhaps you are blinded by your "mad love" and don't recognize the simple fact that your boyfriend sucks, even though your canine was able to pick up on it.

Good luck, Puppy Love,

Clare

P.S. If you happen to dump your current boyfriend and ever wish to get another in the future, I would advise not using the phrase "mad love" ever again. Ever.

Have a question? Get it answered! Send your questions about love, school or anything else to Clare ([email protected]) and it could appear in a future column.