When you perform for a living, your career is filled with choices that can either elevate you to legendary status or send you so far down that you star in a VH1 reality show. You can opt for plastic surgery, which only works if people can’t tell the difference before or after. There is always the option of sleeping with a powerful Hollywood actor, who in turn may refer your skills to a powerful Hollywood producer. It worked for talented actresses like Ava Gardner and Marilyn Monroe and also proves handy for talentless performers such as Tara Reid, or perhaps Brendan Fraser, who continues to star in movies although every single film he has ever starred in has ranged from awful to not horrible. The one career path that never fails, one that will always guarantee some amount of recognition, is to die young.
Sure you no longer are alive but suddenly your life’s work becomes admirable. All your faults and bad choices are temporarily set aside so that a nation may grieve over a person they never met.
What if Eddie Murphy had been hit by a truck in 1989? There would be no “Haunted Mansion” or “Daddy Day Care.” He would be known as a comedic genius, gracing us with his presence for 28 short but joyful years. Let’s say Don Johnson is fatally attacked by a serpent during the peak of “Miami Vice.” His life would then be forever known as the rising TV star that was bound for great things only to have his days cut short by a feisty reptile. If Johnny Depp died right now, he would make James Dean look like a hack. Other performers that could have greatly benefited from an early death include Chevy Chase during the post-production of “Fletch,” Diana Ross, U2, that kid that played Doogie Howser and Steve Guttenberg.
Now back to the deceased. There has been many a star whose career has greatly benefited from a young or untimely death. By benefit I mean that their status will forever be cemented in the memory of the public as legendary. Russell Jones, for example, was briefly remembered Sunday night at the Grammys. Jones (whose aliases include “Ol’ Dirty Bastard,” “Big Baby Jesus” and “Dirt McGirt”) died last year thanks to a lifetime habit of doing the exact opposite what your D.A.R.E. officer taught you. In between being an A-list drug addict and slurring random profanities for the Wu-Tang Clan, he also managed to father 14 kids. Yes … 14. So did we really want another five decades of a man who looked like an abstract painting of crack cocaine? What if Kurt Cobain cleaned up and went acoustic folk? What if River Phoenix turned into Christian Slater?
Sadly, we will never know how their careers would have panned, but it is wishful thinking to assume they would have maintained that aura of excellence throughout their careers. Today’s legends are no exception as Jack Nicholson proved with his role in “Mars Attacks!” Perhaps we should embrace the living more and quit being so overtly politically correct about the dead.
Rick is a junior majoring in Journalism and Radio/TV/Film. When he drinks, he can see dead people. He can be reached at [email protected]
