Girls’ night out is fast competing with poker night. Replace beer and cards with a cosmo, naughty games and double-penetrating sex toys. Then saunter through heavily perfumed air while it clouds the senses with pheromones. Welcome to the Tupperware party of the sexually free woman: the sex-toy party.
No, these parties are not mass lesbian orgies. Parties such as those provided by Pure Romance, Inc., and other companies offer women access to “novelty” items and sexual enhancers. Women no longer need to drive out to the dirty highway porn shops, smoky shops where 18-year-old boys and hairy truck drivers stare at the chick buying a dildo. Now, much to our relief, companies provide classy in-home boutiques.
I have always considered myself well informed on sex toys and other sexual enhancers. That opinion has changed after attending a friend’s birthday party/sex toy party. I confused comfort with these items with actual knowledge of what is on the market. I was shocked at the vast numbers of sexual-enhancement items that are available.
Meet the girl’s new best friend: Great Head. For the price of a couple movie tickets you can give your man deep throat without the usual gag reflex. Dab a small amount of this cinnamon or mint flavored gel at the back of your throat and the head of his penis for an experience he’ll never forget. Actually, this may be his new best friend.
Arriving at the party, I was greeted by a table filled with goodies and a rather large drink served in a red plastic cups. This cup, to my detriment, somehow refilled its self several times before the night was through. After an episode of “Sex and the City” and a few icebreakers, the real work began. Scribbling little notes around the edges of the brochures, we listened to Janet, our Pure Romance consultant, explain each product. Almost every other line of those notes became, “I’m going to have some amazing sex,” or an asterisk indicating a purchase.
After a few rounds of “pass the penis” everyone in the room was laughing and beginning to relax. Relaxation serves as the motto for Booty Eaze. This is a popular product when banging on the back door. The lotion relaxes a certain muscle and allows for more comfortable insertion. One partygoer, Samantha, gasped and responded, “Wow, that’s something I never would have thought of. Booty Eaze. Seriously, oh my god, it’s a good idea, but oh my god.” Other similar responses came when Like A Virgin was introduced. Five minutes after application, the vagina tightens and remains that way for approximately 24 hours. I can’t help but think, “No more Kegels!”
Normally, if a penis is on your back, it’s ejaculating. This is not the case with the four-pronged Peter Back Massager. Guys, get ready to drool: sitting in a circle, the ladies passed this toy around and gave each other massages. Alanna, a junior at Parkside, moaned, “Ohh, this penis thing feels great.” Although innocent in this setting, creative and naughty uses can be found.
By this point, everyone was hungry for the good stuff. Getting to the meat and potatoes of the party took a little while, but the wait paid off. Meet Super Stretch, for a man’s solo pleasure or amazing hand jobs. This green squishy toy was passed around with a small amount of water-based lube inside for added affect. It grossed some of the women out and surprised others at the likeness to a real vagina. All men should have one, just as all women should explore the plethora of vibrators on the market. Vibrators are offered in all shapes and sizes, from the key-chain “on the go” version to the ultra bad boy of dildos, the Decadent Indulgence. This monster comes with nine rotating pleasure beads and three rhythmic motions. The only thing it doesn’t have is a license plate.
The amount of bedroom accessories offered by sex toy companies is staggering. There is an enhancer for every level of comfort and play from massage lotion to extra large vibrating anal beads. Our consultant happily explains each product, never skipping a beat even when the music does.
I encourage those of you who have not explored sex toys to give it a try. Leaving the party with a broken checkbook but a smile, I can’t see the appeal of the Tupperware parties that my mother attended. She brought home containers to put sugar in. I brought home sugar to lick off.
