This summer will see the release of some of the best, fully loaded DVD collections yet. Both films and television series will be injected with a heavy dose entertainment-ness with deluxe editions of ?Memento? and ?A Beautiful Mind,? as well as complete season after season of ?Buffy? and ?Sex In The City.? So to celebrate such releases and perhaps prompt the powers that be, we at ArtsEtc. have compiled our own wish list of TV series box sets, complete with suggestions for special features. In the words of that aging, bass-like, gangly singer, ?Just push play.?
Seinfeld
Widely revered as the greatest sit-com ever to grace the broadcast airwaves, ?Seinfeld? is an easy choice for the full DVD treatment. Viewers will be able to see the show-about-nothing?s evolvement from the bafflingly inconsistent days of ?The Seinfeld Chronicles? (in which George was a thinly-veiled Woody Allen parody and Elaine was as of yet nonexistent) to the late 90s glory days of so much water-cooler conversation fodder. Like ?The Simpsons,? ?Seinfeld? keeps getting better with repeat viewings — indeed, perhaps the only thing stopping ?Seinfeld? from heading to DVD is its lucrative ubiquity in syndication. But if ?The Simpsons? DVD franchise is any indication, people who love great television will make their voices heard.
SPECIAL FEATURES: Ooohhh boy?Every form of audio commentary, making-of documentary and cast/crew interview available. If you want to get creative, a comprehensive guide to Jerry?s girlfriends, a clip reel of Kramer?s entrances/catchphrases, a timeline of George?s travails through the world of (un)employment, and some sort of cross-indexing feature that would allow the viewer to watch unedited sequences featuring his favorite supporting character (can you imagine hour-long blocks of Puddy or Frank Costanza?).
The Osbournes
This, much like its loveable star, is a no brainer. MTV coughed up big money to renew the unconventional, cuss-friendly family?s reality TV series for a second season, and there?s no reason to think that devoted fans wouldn?t buy the ?bloody? DVD. Although Ozzy himself may have trouble working the DVD player (as the satellite and garbage bags provided challenges this year) the struggle would be worth it. The neighbor wars, the sibling squabbles, the family meeting, even the puking bulldog could all be a remote click away.
SPECIAL FEATURES: An Ozzy primer and complete closed-captioning to help understand the Prince of Darkness? eloquent and unique language, the video of young Kelly?s remake of ?Papa Don?t Preach,? and a swearing on/off option so you can decide which is funnier — the uncensored Osbournes or the one were the ?bleeps? fly at you faster than Jack can wield a bayonet. A bottle of bubbles would also be shrink wrapped in each package.
Saved By The Bell
Where would teenage angst be without ?Saved by the Bell?? Without the show?s broad stereotypes and laughable moralizing, our high school years might have seemed (gulp) cool — it?s a good thing we had a preppie, jock, nerd, princess, fashion-queen, and overachiever to show us the way. Pay attention WB and MTV execs — this is what classic teeny-boppin? fare is all about.
SPECIAL FEATURES: First and foremost, a detailed examination of the sextet?s class and extra-curricular schedules in order to point out the sheer impossibilities of their everyday lives (I still blame Jessica Spanno and her lofty academic standards for my not getting any scholarships in high school). A full Bayside class list would help too, as there never seemed to be any more than 20 kids at that school. Other treats might include a step-by-step instructional bit on how to properly French-roll stone-washed jeans, a floor-plan of The Max indicating where memorable ?SBTB? moments occurred, and the full-length LP recorded by the Zack Attack in Zack Morris? dream.
Beverly Hills 90210
And where would comedic teen angst be without over-the-top, unrealistic dramatic teen angst? Follow the (other) Minnesota twins, Brandon and Brenda, from their uprooting to their high school graduation. (Let?s face it, the show plummeted after that). Relive all those Kleenex-grabbing moments with Dylan, Kelly, Steve, Andrea, David, and of course, Donna and be whisked back to your own high school (or junior high) days.
SPECIAL FEATURES: A self-guided tour of West Beverly Hills, highlighting all the spots in the hall where Brenda flashed a cold stare, Donna fluffed her hair, and Steve hatched some crazy scheme. A montage of hair-style changes, or no changes as in the case of Brandon — the only guy who could successfully sport burns four consecutive years. Also added, the ?Saturday Night Live? episode hosted by Jason Priestley — easily one of the funniest to date.
The Cosby Show
The heavy airings on Nick at Nite and the subsequent reunion show merely whetted the growing appetite for this sit-com pioneer of the 80s. The collection would contain every episode, from the Sandra-less pilot to Theo?s graduation. Even the few and less-than-perfect shows; the Hillman president?s retirement (in which the entire half-hour was a lifeless graduation ceremony) Cliff?s Hoagie induced dream (in which the Huxtables? brownstone becomes overrun with Muppets), and the entire season in which cousin Pam moved in — which was the beginning of the historical comedy?s decline.
SPECIAL FEATURES: A musical montage featuring highlights from the Stevie Wonder episode, the lip-synching anniversary performance, and all of Theo and Cockroach?s beat-boxing raps. A half-hour long, complete ?Where Are They Now? update on everyone from Peter to the neighbor who was played by ?The Princess Bride?s? ?inconceivable? guy — and Lisa Bonet, despite her snobby ?tude about the NBC reunion, we still want to know what she?s up to.
The Golden Girls
This may be a little past its prime. Miami was the hot spot back in the Ricky Martin influenced early 2000s, but these old broads are still ?livin? la vida loca? in their own special way. And maybe they can ride the coattails of the support hoes of the ?Ya Ya Sisterhood.? Rose?s St. Olaf stories seem charming in the reality-TV soaked airwaves of today?s boob tube. Blanche provides the bawdiness, Sophia the clever one-liners, and Dorothy, well, maybe the countless hours of viewing will give us a little insight into what Dorothy brings to the table — a table with a cheesecake on it.
SPECIAL FEATURES: An outtake real in which flubbed lines, denture-ful spit takes and loss of bladder control abound. A five-minute ?Where Are They Now?? update (it only takes five minutes to name four nursing homes and/or cemeteries.) Also, to each package of DVDs, is a card attached that would say, ?Thank you for being a friend.?
Law and Order
To cover those few hours in the day in which A&E, TNT and the countless NBC spinoffs do not provide any Law and/or Order, we present the box set — every season up until this new blonde floosey of a D.A. took over. Every episode, every cast change, every murder (including the racing horse), every arrest, every witty quip by L.T, every courtroom scene in which someone yells out ?That?s a damn lie!!? or McCoy blinks his eyes rapidly and that hair sticks out and quivers at top his head as he pleads, ?Your honor, please!? included. No case unsolved, no Miranda left unread in this complete set.
SPECIAL FEATURES: A guide to episodes in which actors are recycled and explanation (How did the cleaning lady in an early episode become the Lieutenant in a later season? Night School). A guide to all the cast changes — there?ve been plenty. An onscreen map on New York so ?L&O? tourists can sightsee at all the chalk outline and arrest stops the next time they hit the Big Apple.
Ren & Stimpy
Undoubtedly the second-best animated series of the 90s, Nickelodeon?s prize ham has been absent from day-to-day syndication for far too long. Juvenile, crass, but always overwhelmingly endearing, the show?s appeal can best be attributed to its creativity and entirely unique sense of humor.
SPECIAL FEATURES: A gallery of all the grotesquely detailed still-frame shots, alternate versions of the ?Log? song (as well as any other mock-commercial ideas that may have been canned), and a written explanation by the show?s producers explaining why it isn?t in consistent reruns anywhere.
