With the semester winding down and students of all ages in the advanced stages of senioritis, homework and finals just don’t seem that important right now. Be it a drunken jaunt through the debris of Mifflin or a relaxing afternoon of desperately hoping for the Brewers to get a hit, diversions come in many forms. But in terms of sheer escapist bliss, nothing can ever quite top the summertime movie. So, with all due respect to a certain entertainment publication, The Badger Herald presents its summer movie preview.
Spider-Man
Swing swing, bling bling. Three days, $114 million. Already touted as the best comic-book adaptation to hit the big screen, “Spidey” shattered any weekend record set by a certain bespectacled ragamuffin way back in 2001. With just the right combination of a top-notch cast (Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, Willem Dafoe), director (Sam Raimi) and special effects, “Spider-Man” will no doubt help make this summer another record-breaker.
Star Wars Episode II–Attack of the Clones
All the Diet Mr. Pibb-swilling, Harry Knowles-worshipping Lucas-philes claim “Episode II” will be “darker” and “more sinister” than “Episode I.” Really? Does that translate into “better” and “less annoying” for those of us who don’t speak nerd? George Lucas’ fifth installment will no doubt one-up its predecessor in every way and has even generated early Oscar buzz. And from the look of the previews, “Episode II” is a surefire nominee for Best Animated Feature.
Signs
No, it’s not a Tesla bio-pic, but the latest from “The Sixth Sense” writer/director M. Night Shyamalan. He’s got two capable leads in Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix, actors whose previous work suggest they’re perfect for the kind of understated, staring-off-into-the-distance performances “Signs” will call for. Sure, the alien fad has come and gone, but so had the Bruce Willis fad, and look what Shyamalan did with that.
Insomnia
In the follow-up to his indie hit “Memento,” writer/director Christopher Nolan has chosen to remake this 1998 Norwegian thriller. He reportedly stays true to the original, but Nolan’s version has a sleep-deprived cop (Al Pacino) venturing to Alaska to track down an obscenely hairy man-beast who’s been killing the locals with wild gesticulations and impromptu imitations of low-rent celebrities. Rosie O’Donnell had prior commitments, so, naturally, Robin Williams was cast for the role in her place.
Men in Black II
After a brief stint of pretending to be a real actor, Will Smith will go back to playing Will Smith in this sequel to the 1997 original.
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Remember the spring of 1997, when “Austin Powers” was still just a kooky quote-generator for you and your friends? Then your parents and the E! channel got a hold of it and decided “Oh behave!” was the coolest catch phrase since “Show me the money,” making sequels inevitable. Mike Myers’ latest will no doubt milk all the laughs it can from midgets and morbidly obese Scots to make up for lack of material elsewhere, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be the funniest movie of the summer.
Jackass: The Movie
They tagged “The Movie” onto the name just so that audiences wouldn’t think they were watching an extended, commercial-free version of the television show.
The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course
“The Crocodile Hunter” people should’ve taken a hint from the “Jackass” people in naming their feature.
Minority Report
After the divisive yet respectable “A.I.,” Steven Spielberg offers another apocalyptic vision of the future with “Minority Report.” Tom Cruise plays a cop who stops murders before they happen but is forced to go on the run when he himself is accused. The pairing of Spielberg and Cruise has been long in the making and will surely be worth the wait.
