When dealing with the ancients — be it Greek or Roman, history or mythology — the modus operandi for filmmakers is usually the same: Go big or go home. The opulence of gilded ancient palaces and musclebound hoards of oiled warriors screams for over-the-top production and special effects.
So an updated “Clash of the Titans” would seem to be a respectable offering to Zeus — perfectly rendered mythological beasts, towering gods in their stratospheric mezzanine and epic matches of divine masculinity worthy of Sparta’s ranks.
But for a spring release? With Sam Worthington (“Avatar”)? Let’s not get crazy here.
“Clash” follows Worthington’s Perseus, the demi-god son of Zeus (Liam Neeson, “Taken”), whose adopted family was killed by Hades (played by a near unrecognizable Ralph Fiennes). After witnessing a healthy rebellion against the gods by the royals of Argos and Hades’ subsequent threat to destroy them with the Kraken, Perseus begins to embrace his godly roots in a quest to save Argos and rebuke his father.
This scaled-down odyssey is peppered with seasoned actors, technically well-crafted special effects and, if that wasn’t enough for you, a 3D sheen to make everything pop.
Somehow, big budget action never felt so boring.
First off, “Clash of the Titans” is an update of a 1981 sub-par mythological cheese fest — and not even the best one of those given “Jason and the Argonauts.” Using stop-motion special effects to capture its version of Medusa and the Kraken, the original “Clash” embraced the mish-mash of anachronistic Greeks and oddly cartoonish, yet still eerie creatures into a campy romp through Argos.
Since today’s blockbusters and epics are nearly mandated to outsource 25 percent of production out to CGI specialists, it’d be pretty hard to screw up the visuals. And in that purely technical sense, they are impressive. The much hyped Kraken really is a sight to behold, in terms of sheer size and design. Medusa, while not overly impressive, doesn’t make the human-beast hybrid an absurd concept like other CGI mash-ups have done — Dwayne Johnson’s laughable Scorpion King form from “Mummy 2” has been improved upon, thank god.
The problem is that this computer-rendered playground just doesn’t have enough monkey bars to swing from. There are only three major fight scenes in the movie, with two other skirmishes in the entire two-hour movie — and they’re not all that interesting themselves.
Action for the sake of action can certainly work — just ask Michael Bay. Transformers and its sequel were banked on their high-flying explosions and epic battles, and, no matter how absurd the plot was or how dull the characters were, you had to sit in awe of the sheer kinetic energy produced by these gleaming visuals and thunderous booms.
Director Louis Leterrier (“The Transporter 2”) couldn’t commit to that level of sensory blitz. The creatures and features of this digitally aided Argos are largely glorified set pieces — Perseus doesn’t so much do battle with the Kraken as he does fly around it.
Action for action’s sake only works if the aesthetics are awe-inspiring in themselves. Otherwise, you’ve got to make people care about the outcome.
Unfortunately, “Clash” actually goes out of its way to dispense with that. The actors don’t so much live their characters as much as explain them. Every time one of the Argos warriors try to expound upon the reason for this mission (as arbitrary as it is), some muscular Greek will sneer “the gods” with such a seething disdain and frequency that one wonders if the actors’ salaries were based on each utterance. The utter disdain for depth is encapsulated when a non-human stone-faced creature joins their journey. Who is he? “Who cares!”, the protagonists declare. And he joins the party.
Everything else is filler to the core action scenes. Plot? Minimal and slow, at that. Acting? Surprisingly stoic and fair, but boring. Dialogue? Go from point A to B. Then from B to C. Then end.
The only saving grace for this film should be the 3D. Since the special effects aren’t breathtaking, an extra injection should save the day, right?
Not if it’s an afterthought. The 3D was added in post-production, not filmed. As a result, the scenery has a perceived depth, but only barely. Scorpions come forward, but they don’t come at the viewer. 3D put viewers in “Avatar’s” Pandora, but “Clash” still makes you watch through a window.
Gods, monsters and warriors all sound exciting on paper, but think about “Clash” by comparing it to another Greek tale: If Homer had written the Iliad as a travelogue, does it still count as an epic?
1 1/2 stars out of 5.
