TONY:

In the spirit of creating pseudo-events out of trivial things going on in pop culture to argue over, this week we will dispute the next classic work Tim Burton will adapt into a film.

With the tremendous success of “Alice in Wonderland,” which opened with the sixth largest domestic box office weekend in history and has already earned more than $233 million worldwide, it would only make sense for Burton to take on another timeless literary work, right? Wrong. The acclaimed director has already gotten with the times, creating a 3D film, so why not latch onto Hollywood’s latest trend: game and toy adaptations.

Hasbro has already made hundreds of millions of dollars with the two “Transformers” films and the “G.I. Joe” movie and is currently working on adapting Monopoly and Battleship into films — how you make Monopoly into a movie I haven’t the slightest idea but I guarantee it will be terrible.

Therefore, why not have Burton adapt a Hasbro board game, consequently providing the movie with something the company’s past films lacked: a decent screenplay. I even have a game already picked out that perfectly suits Burton’s creepy, unique style — Candy Land.

Just imagine the ridiculous, Technicolor world Burton could create. He could even save money and reuse some old scenery from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” All the colors and candy would be like a cinematic dream world for the director.

Burton would also have a great group of colorful characters at his disposal. He could cast Johnny Depp as Lord Licorice, Helena Bonham Carter as Queen Frostine and Alan Rickman would make a great King Kandy.

Perhaps the best part about Candy Land, though, is it’s one of the few board games that already has a plot. He just needs to find a couple kids — maybe even “Alice’s” Mia Wasikowska — and have them take a wonderfully wacky journey through locations such as Candy Cane Forest and Gum Drop Mountain to find the lost king of Candy Land.

Sure, the film would be strange beyond all belief and very Burton-esque, but the movie is being made either way — Hasbro already has a Candy Land production in the works — so Burton taking on the film is really the only hope this project has.

CAILLEY:

Tim Burton is a damn living legend. I understand there would be many a person to disagree with me, but nothing will burst that bubble of happiness in which I live. Then again, “bubble” isn’t quite the right word. It’s more like “reinforced bomb shelter that could withstand a nuclear blast.”

So it’s with a love that’s stronger than said bomb shelter (and even stronger than Tony’s love for George Clooney, and that’s saying something) that I propose “The Wizard of Oz” as Tim Burton’s next project.

To me, “The Wizard of Oz” goes hand-in-hand with a film like “Alice in Wonderland.” It’s like yin and yang, or Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They’re two stories of young women literally falling into a magical world and trying to get home with the help of a domesticated animal and other animals/otherwise inanimate objects that can talk, and all the while there’s a crazy lady who wants to kill them.

Weird, isn’t it? Eerie plot similarities aside, it’s exactly the kind of story Burton does best: the alienated protagonist. As in most of his other films (“Beetle Juice,” “Edward Scissorhands,” “Ed Wood” and “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street,” just to name a few), “The Wizard of Oz” features a character that is just different from everyone else. As the only young girl on the farm in Kansas (and being in Kansas sucks as it is) who only has a dog as her best friend, she’s the prime Burton candidate. Also, Burton is no stranger to the land of Oz ? he was an executive producer of a TV show called “Lost in Oz.”

And imagine the cast — Johnny Depp as the Scarecrow, Alan Rickman as the Wizard of Oz, Helena Bonham Carter as the Wicked Witch of the West and, just like in “Alice in Wonderland,” an unknown to take the part of Dorothy. Give the set the Burton treatment: Muted colors, a few creepy elements and a black-and-white motif, and you’ve got quite the film.

Oh, and to everyone who discredits Burton because of “Planet of the Apes,” I’ll reference a little “Family Guy”: In the words of Spiderman, “Everybody gets one.” Or three and going strong, if you’re M. Night Shyamalan.