This year’s pool of ASM electoral candidates is a disappointingly small and under-informed group. No surprise there. Making your way up the totem pole of ASM — that pole is sideways, thanks to the Vote No Coalition — must be a tedious task, akin to watching the director’s cut of “Dances with Wolves.” Thankfully, some in ASM managed to find a little drama in these proceedings. We’d hate for campus to stop paying attention, right?

I refer to the scandalous — scandalous! — accusations leveled against Badger Herald columnist Kyle Szarzynski. Szarzynski, SSFC vice-chair, was accused by Chair Carl Fergus and Secretary Tyler Junger of using an ASM laptop to develop a flyer for the FACES slate, a motley crew of progressives and crypto-progressives running for Student Council. And yesterday, the Herald broke news that FACES apparently sponsored a fundraising party where alcohol was served. The latter is not against the ASM constitution but is frowned-upon.

Well, my heavens. Better dial the red phone. (I have promised my editors not to invoke the phrase “Laptopgate,” so I’ll follow their advice.)

I am no fan of the FACES slate, or their past incarnation, the Vote No Coalition. But even though FACES might put the “ass” in “grassroots,” someone needs to hand it to these (most of them) young rapscallions. These folks know how to organize. They get it. By any estimate, the ASM Constitution this February should have passed overwhelmingly. Instead, Vote No Coalition exposed (created?) points of contention and turned a sure-thing into a landmark defeat for ASM leadership. And now FACES spent the past two weeks chalking, flyering, Facebooking, fundraising and debating.

I really, really don’t care whether an ASM laptop was used to create a FACES flier. (They’ve got to be used for something, right?) And I don’t care whether questionable fundraising parties have taken place. Newsflash to Fergus, Junger and the “moderate” wing of ASM: You are letting insanely talented grassroots organizers steal the show. Your idea of a fight consists of being infinitely reasonable — looking for rule infractions, promoting as much tit-for-tat infighting as anyone on FACES. The truth is FACES doesn’t care what you think of them and laughs behind your back when election rules are dragged out to accuse them of illegal renegade tactics. FACES’ playbook consists of every successful grassroots effort in campus history. Their opponents’ playbook is the ASM constitution. No fair guessing who wins in the long-run with that matchup.

Next year, if FACES want a no-holds-barred free-for-all, the rest of ASM should give it to them. Throw away the rule book. Get dirty. Print as many fucking fliers as you want from as many questionable laptops as you can. Throw parties. Serve booze. Go nuts. Cover your tracks. If your advisers question your approach, thank them for the bang-up job they’ve done inspiring the organization. The result of all this might even be an election season students are excited to take part in. Quality people might actually run.

All right, all right. I’m not really suggesting that anyone on ASM violate their own elections law. I’m just starving for a student government that feels like a student government, with campaigns that are more than just perfunctory exercises. And I resent that the non-FACES crowd, the people who know what they’re doing (perhaps too well), have been overwhelmed and outnumbered by folks playing an entirely different game.

If I ever have the misfortune of running for ASM, I’d want someone from FACES running my campaign. (Obviously, nobody would volunteer.) The defeat of the proposed ASM Constitution has defined indefinitely the turf on which our Student Council and SSFC elections will be held. It’s all grassroots, baby. Better take a page from the only people singing the appropriate tune.

Eric Schmidt ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in political science.