Some of the most commonly asked questions we get during Sex Out Loud programs are regarding oral sex tips. Also included are questions such as what turns people on, best moves, greatest tips and so on. This article may come off as slightly risqu?, but it is important to disseminate information people actually want to hear. It’s true that talking to a partner is critical to discover what makes them moan in delight, but at the same time, people want detailed answers. I highly encourage communicating what you like and finding out what your partner likes, but hopefully you will find some of this information helpful and a launching pad for a great sexual conversation.

There seems to be a certain element of mystique surrounding the vagina. Most of the female genitals are tucked up neatly inside the body and, for this reason, seem to be a bit of a mystery. There are also many social taboos surrounding the area such as how it’s dirty, smelly and confusing. In reality, the vagina is constantly cleaning itself and really isn’t that tricky considering the only structure inside is the cervix — the hard mass toward the top of the vagina. The vagina does have a slight odor which varies among women, but it should smell slightly musty rather than fishy. And as for taste, vaginal secretions should taste more or less like plain yogurt. Ladies — if you are uber-concerned about the taste, try it yourself or use flavored lube, but note that any lube containing glycerin means that it has sugars in it, which may lead to a yeast infection if you are prone to them. And please, whatever you do, do not douche. There is no reason to clean the vagina with anything other than water. Even most soaps can do more harm than good, considering most of them are way more acidic than the vagina so they can throw the pH out of whack.

Now that some basic vaginal physiology is out of the way, let’s move on to tips. What do women like when it comes to oral sex? Well, usually it involves stimulation of the clitoris (at the top of the inner vaginal lips). Some of you may be familiar with Ron Jeremy — the famous porn guy. He is known for, among other things, drawing out the ABCs with his tongue on a woman’s clit. This trick is useful because the sharp lines of an A versus the curves of an S vary the sensation. And if a woman is squirming on W, stay there — you don’t have to move onto X, Y and Z. It may also feel good to suck on the area, too. Or combine the two at the same time. Try not to suck too hard because it is a very sensitive spot and having a hickey on your vagina may not be the most comfortable sensation in the world. As one of my friends so eloquently stated, “A tongue is not a replacement for a dick or toy — it’s supposed to be different, so go slow and gentle.” This is a very astute statement considering we live in a phallic society and tend to think thrusting is the only way for pleasure. Oral sex can include a jabby tongue, but it can also be soft and slow.

Positioning is also something to think about. For the partner giving oral sex, it’s important to be in a comfortable position, since a potential neck ache for days isn’t pleasant, and neither is a sore jaw. Try having the receiving partner lie at the end of the bed, with the giving partner sitting in a chair or prop the receiver up with a pillow. For oral on any person, it’s important to note you can use your hands and stimulate other body parts. Just because you are going down on someone doesn’t mean you have to have your hands tied behind your back. Try pushing up on the taint — the area between the balls or vagina and anus — of your partner because it may lead to a more intense orgasm. For women, it can be great to incorporate fingering, and for guys, try tugging gently on the balls. Watching porn may also help to learn some tricks of the trade — after all, they are professionals.

Oral sex on men is a little bit different since their anatomy is external and it’s easier to see what you are doing and looking for, and one of the best places to start is the frenulum. It’s on the underside of the penis, under the head and softer than the tissue around it, therefore making it incredibly sensitive. Pushing on this part or sucking or licking it may be the ticket to an orgasm. It may seem that deep-throating — putting the entire penis into one’s mouth — is the most pleasurable sensation for a guy, but actually most of the nerve endings are concentrated at the tip of the penis. If you are worried about your gag reflex, focus on the head including the urethra and frenulum, or you could try practicing by using vegetables, such as carrots or cucumbers, to see what you can tolerate.

It’s OK to take a break if your jaw is getting sore and switch to using your hand for a while. Try running your hand on one side and your lips on the other, kind of like how you would play a harmonica. It’s also a good idea to use a lot of spit since cotton mouth can cause unwanted friction. Try swishing your tongue back and forth between your lower molar teeth which increases saliva production, or you could have a glass of water ready and keep some in your mouth while performing oral.

This is a very basic guide to oral sex, but there are plenty of books about it and porn dedicated to it, so don’t be shy to check them out. Maybe now the ABC’s and carrots won’t seem as innocent as they once were.

Mary is a senior in zoology and pre-nursing. If you have any burning questions that you would like answered in a future column, e-mail [email protected].