Most of us are probably familiar with the famous scene in the movie “When Harry Met Sally” — the one where Sally fakes the most earth-shattering orgasm right in the middle of a restaurant while other diners look on with both disgust and jealousy. In our society, orgasms are the be-all and end-all of sexual pleasure. Without attaining one, our partners may feel like failures, and we may ask ourselves, “What’s wrong with me?” While orgasms can be utterly amazing, it’s a shame we don’t value the process that goes into attaining one and simply enjoying the journey. Because of our infatuation with orgasms, I do feel like it’s everyone’s right to know how to attain one. However, it is important to dispel two especially prevalent misconceptions surrounding orgasm. While there are false ideas regarding male orgasm, I’m going to focus more on the mysteries surrounding female orgasm.
Myth #1: Women can’t cum as often as men.
While it may be true that women don’t cum as often as men, it doesn’t mean they are unable to cum as often. Unlike men, women have a spot whose only function is pleasure, and that is the clitoris. Unlike what most high school sex-ed classes taught, the clitoris is not a small pea-shaped area, but actually slightly smaller than the average male penis. Internally it’s a vast network of erectile tissue that has the capability to engorge with blood, and, because of the incredibly dense bundle of nerve endings, is able to achieve an orgasm. Many women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to reach climax, and due to the way certain women are typically pleasured and/or penetrated, the clit is completely disregarded. This is why some women prefer oral sex to penetration since it’s more likely that their clit will be involved in the fun.
If a woman wants to attain orgasm with penetrative sex, positioning can make a difference (think woman-on-top, or any position where a partner can reach around and tickle the “pleasure zone,” such as doggie style or spooning). Incorporating a small vibrator between bodies is a nice addition as well, as it directly stimulates both partners.
Now, this goes for all people: Stress truly is a buzz kill. If you are having a fun time in the sack and all of a sudden your mind races to the paper due at lunch time or that really rude guy on the 80, it’s less likely you’ll orgasm. Stress ruins the mood because it prevents a person from really engaging mentally and physically in sexual activity. It might sound cheesy, but a good way to counter stress is through massage, which releases tension from the day (i.e., being flustered after running into an ex-hookup after hiking up Bascom) and also gets you focused on your bodily sensations. It’s important to hone in on the pleasure receptors all over your body, from head to toe. Another note: Try, just for the duration of your sexual endeavor, to forget that you hate your thighs and wish your nose wasn’t so big. If you are lucky enough to be getting lucky, it’s fairly likely that your partner is excited to be there and is grateful for the sex. Thinking about how your ass looks during reverse cowgirl is not conducive to maximum pleasure.
Also, take the time to enjoy the sex. Even though it’s true students are always obsessed with time and deadlines, relish in the fact that you are doing something pleasurable. Think of it as a present to yourself, and part of this present includes allotting enough time for foreplay, which is the fun part since it’s when desire is at its peak and leaves you wanting more.
One of the best ways to achieve orgasm with a partner is to learn how to masturbate. In order to have someone else make you cum, shouldn’t you know how to do it yourself? Directing or showing someone the pressure, speed and location that you like is the best way to ensure that you will be like Sally and curling your toes with pleasure.
Myth #2: Uh oh. I just peed on my partner during orgasm.
Some of you porn aficionados may be familiar with this idea of women shooting out copious amounts of liquid when they orgasm. This would be the famous female ejaculation. Some people believe this liquid is urine — since both urine and female ejaculate are both mainly composed of water — but that belief is false. “How do I get to squirt when I orgasm?” you ask? The answer is on every cover of Cosmo… the G Spot. Yes, there is a place via the vagina that may lead to pleasure and possibly ejaculation. It is about one to two inches inside the vagina, and with fingers making a “come hither” motion towards the bellybutton, there is a spot that feels different than the tissue around it (more like the tip of your nose than the cheek). This area is actually paraurethral tissue and surrounds the urethra (aka pee tube), which is why some think the fluid is urine. When this area is massaged, it engorges with blood and fluid may be released, upwards of a cup and a half. However, it’s not for everyone. Don’t assume just because Cosmo says it’s the Holy Grail of sex that every woman will enjoy it. It can be very pleasurable for some, and it’s something to think about if you are looking for new sensations.
So, even though “orgasm” was the word of the day, realize that there is a whole lot more to sexual pleasure than Sally’s panting and moaning in the middle of a restaurant.
Mary is a senior majoring in nursing, and she is also a member of Sex Out Loud. Have any questions or comments for any of the Hump Day columnists? E-mail them to [email protected].
