If Chris Rock's stand-up were translated into an off-kilter romantic comedy, "I Think I Love My Wife" would be it. And, oh, what an awkward combination it is. Of little surprise, the actor-comedian scores a screenwriting credit for the urban remake of the French moral film "Chloe in the Afternoon," infusing it with the Rock-standard racial subtext and social commentary set amid in-your-face dialogue littered with F-bombs and other choice obscenities. Rock stars as New York City investment banker Richard Cooper, who is breaking the color barrier, or, as he puts it — greeting the cleaning lady, the janitor and slinking away from a stereotype-spitting bike messenger — "one of the only blacks in the building." Richard has everything he could want. He has a high-paying job, a wife and two adorable children and a nice house in the 'burbs. But on the inside, he's bored and just not having enough sex. According to Richard's streaming monologue, accepting the fact that you're not having sex is the most dangerous time in a marriage. As the script so eloquently dictates, the banker's marriage has gone from telephone exchanges of "I can't wait to suck your dick" to "I can't wait for you to see these drapes." This crass, yet funny snippet is a prime example of the movie's overall tone — as well as the precise moment when two misguided geriatric women seated in front of this reviewer gathered up their handbags and hightailed it out of the theater in disgust. Had the senior citizen duo stayed through the film's entirety, they would have left with the same general idea of the plot, as it drags on and on, showing the same situations over again (even going so far as to use the same exact footage of a car show in two separate portions of the film). Every day, Richard journeys to work in the city and imagines his life with lovely female passersby. But when a woman from his past unexpectedly drops by his office, the imaginary starts to overrun reality. While his wife buys her panties from the "Latifah" collection, blast from the past Niki (Kerry Washington, "The Last King of Scotland") adheres to Richard's "tag and ass" undergarment theory, which dictates that the largest part of underwear should be the tag. She represents the time in his life when clubbing and staying out until 4 in the morning were perfectly acceptable, and part of him wants to slip into that lifestyle again. As Richard and Niki continue to rekindle their friendship, the temptation to ditch the monotony of his suburban, sexless existence only grows, and, eventually, he must choose. Classic Rock humor helps keep the film afloat for a bit, but "I Think I Love My Wife" sinks due to heavy plot recycling and overall lack of character depth. The audience feels little attachment to any of the characters below the surface. They are merely caricatures serving basic roles of the successful businessman, the tired wife and the youthful seductress — all left wading in the shallow end as the flat plot is carried out around them. An unexpected burst of life, however, comes in the form of Steve Buscemi ("Charlotte's Web"), who plays George, Richard's co-worker. He offers an interesting complement to Rock's onscreen persona. While Richard cares about all of the people in his life, and, until Niki arrives, is the picture of morality, George goes about cheating on his wife without guilt or any fear of repercussions. He also delivers some choice lines, including one regarding his sexual prowess thanks to Viagra, despite the fact that his looks are less than those of Brad Pitt (understatement of the century). Overall, while Chris Rock's character may "think he loves his wife," this cinematic revamp will leave theatergoers knowing they were bored. Grade: 2 out of 5