"It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies and sex on TV."

We all know and love the familiar "Family Guy" opening jingle, and now it is possible to get another fix of the Griffins in their video game debut. Unfortunately, the electronic incarnation falls short of the glory of its TV counterpart. Sluggish controls and just plain redundancy make "Family Guy" for PlayStation 2 a sorry excuse for a gaming experience.

Players assume the roles of Stewie, Peter and Brian, and play through each of their respective storylines in the typical fashion of the show, one scene at a time. Stewie, armed with his ray gun, will stop at nothing to defeat his nemesis Bertram and take over the world, one mind control victim at a time. After suffering a head injury, Peter takes on hoards of children and geriatrics alike to combat the forces of the sinister Mr. Belvedere. And finally, Brian tiptoes, Solid Snake style, through stealth missions to prove that he is not the father of Seabreeze's puppies, collecting evidence like a Maury Povich guest.

First and foremost, the graphics of this title are cell-shaded to resemble the look of the actual cartoon. When playing, it is almost like watching an episode of the show, so the feel for the game, surroundings and character design is all very authentic. However, at times, some of the visuals can be choppy and unpolished, as though the designers were in too much of a hurry to finish production. The same graphical style is employed in cut scenes, however, which makes the style seem all the more sloppy and unoriginal.

Game play is straightforward. For the most part, players will sit on the couch, controller in hand, and mash "X" for hours and have no problem getting through a vast majority of the game with ease. This applies to Stewie and Peter's portions specifically, but Brian's story is no more challenging. When assuming the roll of the canine hero, the only objective is to get from one side of a room to the other without being seen. One or two attempts at most, and the levels are completed (yawn).

What makes the game so entirely simplistic is the fact that the artificial intelligence is quite frankly idiotic. Characters practically have to stand right in front of enemies to get any sort of response. Players can mindlessly dispose of entire rooms of enemies while standing still. Even when fired upon, many enemies don't attack back. Piss-poor programming is clearly to blame.

The most horrendous downfall of "Family Guy" is the control setup. More specifically, Peter's control scheme is the main offender. When playing as "the fat man," players are expected to execute various button combinations to either punch or kick in a style fitting to frag some baddies. If the sequence is not pushed at snail's pace, the game can have a hard time recognizing the command and failure ensues. If this system was tightened up a little bit, Peter's portion of the game play would have been tolerable, and not just a mess of button mashing. As for Stewie and Brian, it is much more of the same — hit triangle to enter door, hit "X" until thumb bleeds, lather, rinse, repeat. Horrendous.

Still another annoying curiosity is the absurd insertions of cliché quotes ripped from the show and played over and over until gamers' eardrums explode. At one point, Peter exclaims, "You bastard," in two second intervals for nearly five minutes or maybe longer (the volume had long since been muted). Subtle quotes in appropriate situations would have been fun, but apparently the same joke playing like a broken record is the clear choice to drive sales.

The one ray of sunshine for "Family Guy" is sadly the most insignificant portion, the mini-games. They literally last for no more than three or four seconds and provide players with a reward for successfully completing them. For instance, one of Brian's games has the player quickly dig a hole to hide a reel of film titled "Quagmire in the Blair Fist Project" before the clock hits zero. The shortness of the mini-games is appealing since they are over so fast, making players wish the rest of the game would follow suit.

Stewie and the gang may be marketing icons, but some forms of merchandising are best left untouched. "Family Guy" should be left as a TV show and nothing more. In summary: "Family Guy" for PS2 is anything but "freaking sweet."

Grade: 1 out of 5