This week's Nerd Alert is a special outing, as Sundeep was stricken with a rough bout of the bird flu and was therefore unable to write the column. He'll be back next week, so sleep tight faithful readers. Stepping up to the plate is newcomer Justin Voss, a man whose gaming knowledge is second-to-none. If double majoring in computer science and Japanese doesn't give it away, JV's nerdliness speaks for itself.
That said, this week we decided to examine some of the more absurd games to be released over the past few decades. While titles like "WarioWare Inc." and "Beat 'Em & Eat 'Em" weren't able to make the list, we've selected perhaps some of the weirdest games to ever fall into gamers' hands. Game on.
Justin:
"Day of the Tenticle"
When a prototypical nerd, a ditzy blonde and a rock-and-roll stoner bump heads with a maniacal purple-toxic-waste-drinking tentacle, the world is forever changed. Lucas Arts' twisted adventure, "Day of the Tentacle," places Bernard, Laverne, and Hoagie in all periods of time including the Constitutional convention, present day and the future, when tentacles rule the planet. To thwart Purple's dastardly plans, Dr. Edison makes use of his Chron-O-Johns, that is a veritable porta-potty that doubles as a time machine, to transport the dynamic duo. While in separate time periods, players can send items to one another to solve the puzzles needed to complete their tasks. For instance, in order to win a beauty contest, (where tentacles show off their "pet" humans) Laverne has to obtain a mummy, dentures, roller skates and a fork. Also, the clever use of a freezer, a hamster and a microwave gives power to a broken down Chron-O-John late in the games. The quirky puzzle elements and pretty horrendous cartoon graphics make this game an unforgettable and not to mention obscure classic made for broken down PCs. Who would have thought that a lab experiment gone wrong could produce such entertaining results.
Ryan:
"Caveman Games"
Long before Electronic Arts secured exclusive rights to almost every sport under the sun, it had the most hardcore of them all — "Caveman Games."
A title like "Caveman Games" leaves little to the imagination. Actually, maybe a title like "Caveman Games" leaves too much to my imagination. Cavemen played games? Other than maybe Evade Death, I can think of few fun games that Cavemen played together.
Anyway, competition was fierce and frenzied, including such vicious characters as Thag, Glunk, Gronk (cousin to Crunk, maybe?), Ugha and Vincent. Vincent is perhaps the best character in all of gaming, as he not only looks like a clone of Bill Gates, but his biography also notes he has absolutely no strengths.
The various competitions included Dino Vault, Clubbing (the developers were ahead of their time), Fire Start and — easily the most bizarre — Mate Toss. Mate Toss involved grabbing a cavewoman by the ankles and spinning in circles before throwing her shot-put-style into an open field. While this would be fine if each competing caveman had their own mate, all of them throw the same generic cavewoman for the event. This means one of two things: (1) This tribe had only one cavewoman, whom all of the cavemen mated with. (2) All cavewomen were cloned from one initial cavewoman.
Whatever the case may be, the perplexing nature of Mate Toss alone is reason enough to list "Caveman Games" in our list of the top four weirdest games.
Justin:
"Katamari Damacy"
As the King of all Cosmos spins out of control and inadvertently destroys all of the universe's stars and the Earth's moon, the petite Prince is sent in to save the day with nothing more than his Katamari. Though in the king's defense, consumption of a tad too much alcohol was the cause of the celestial destruction, at least in the Japanese release. "Katamari Damacy," which literally translates to "Glob of Souls" dumps gamers in a trippy tome of madness where a tiny ball can roll up anything from paper clips and puppies, to giant squids and tornadoes. With an outright acid trip of a soundtrack, Prince literally rolls to the beat of his own drum in order to conjure stars and constellation of all shapes and sizes including the zodiac. So, to recreate Taurus, Prince has to roll up as many cows as possible before time runs out. Upon completion of a cosmic creation, players are greeted by the king himself, and transported back to their planet via the "Royal Rainbow," which the king actually produces by vomiting. However, one disturbing element exists in the land of Katamari. The story follows a morbid cubist looking family on their quest to find meaning in why the stars have disappeared. The children narrate, and give Hannibal Lector a run for his money in the creepy department. PS2's cult following of "Katamari Damacy" shows that great games can come from very inexpensive packages.
Ryan:
"PaRappa the Rapper"
Arguably one of the better rhythm-based games to ever come out ("Rez" still holds top honors), "PaRappa the Rapper" was definitely ahead of its time — but it seems that's the trend with most weird games.
Players filled the shoes of PaRappa, a dog who sported a skullcap and rapped all around town in various wacky situations. If learning to rap from a kung fu master isn't enough, this master was actually an onion. Yeah … weird.
PaRappa would later go on to rap on his driving test, learn the art of flea market bartering from Master Prince Fleaswallow, cook food with Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken and eventually engage in a fierce rap battle with MC King Kong Mushi. The creative minds at Sony worked overtime, crafting lyrics like "When I say boom boom boom! You say bam bam bam!/ No pause in between, Come on, let's jam!"
Easily the coolest aspect of the game stems from the way that players are rewarded for "freestyling" during raps by pressing alternate buttons in coordination with the sequence and rhythm. These would earn wannabe rappers a "U Rappin' Cool" rating, which eventually unlocked a bonus stage and alternate ending.
"PaRappa the Rapper" was followed up by "Um Jammer Lammy" and "PaRappa the Rapper 2" later on PS2. The games weren't quite as good as the original, though they still maintained the almost absurd elements that made the first so much fun to play.
Ryan ([email protected]) and Justin ([email protected]) are hopelessly addicted to video games. Justin is currently the Czar of "Civilization IV" working on disposing of Kublai Kahn in a timely manner. Ryan beat "Shadow of the Colossus" this weekend, but the ending left him rather unsatisfied.
