Dear Ann Arbor,

What's up with the trash talking? You know how much I hate relationship drama.

I had so much fun with you that weekend in September. While normally I consider myself wholesome and attractive, you definitely brought out my wilder side. But you seemed a little caught off guard by my behavior. Maybe I should have told you what to expect at a college football game.

Before a football game, students consume large quantities of "beer," beer being an alcoholic beverage, and alcohol being that substance which even the Ancient Greeks acknowledged "sets … a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words which were better unspoken." (What an understatement.)

Students host "tailgate" parties at which they socialize and consume said alcohol. Typically, students here like to wear red and white on game days to show their allegiance to the Badgers.

I'm a little surprised you didn't notice this. I mean, you were all decked out in gold and blue. I saw you. In fact, you and your friends were doing beer-bongs with me all over town! So don't play innocent and act like I was the only drunk one. I totally saw you do a keg stand with Bucky.

Granted, some of my friends might have gotten overly rowdy. Throwing beer bottles and getting into fights is unnecessary and I already yelled at them. Sporting events and alcohol have the unfortunate effect of bringing out the trashier side of some people. Just look at the French and Italian soccer fans at the World Cup or rugby fans in Britain. It's not pretty. But if you choose to go to a Big Ten football game, you can expect to witness similar behavior. West Lafayette was in town this weekend, and I didn't hear her complaining.

So maybe I called you names. I was just teasing — don't take it so personally! Part of what I love about our relationship is that we have this flirty, friendly rivalry going on. We're really very similar: we're both from the Midwest, we love football and politics, and we're really into academics but we also like to party a lot. We even went through a hippie phase together.

I know people always say I'm number one when it comes to partying, and I'm not going to lie, I know how to have a good time. Some of the university officials get really sensitive about this, but really, that's just wasted energy. Everybody knows I always make it to class on Friday mornings and when you get down to it, I'm a good student and I'm motivated. Work hard, play hard. That's my motto.

Plus, you have to be a little cynical about the whole idea of yearly rankings. College kids nationwide are very similar and not much changes from one year to the next. Personally I've always suspected the Princeton Review of wanting to sell more magazines by coming out with the annual rankings. You know how it is — people just love comparing themselves to others. They eat that stuff up.

And if you really wanted to come up with a ranking system, you'd need much better statistics. For example, according to the IDs in their wallets, what percentage of Michigan freshmen are from California? What percentage of Wisconsin freshmen are 21 or older? Now that would really be telling.

Sorry to ramble, I just was so upset when I heard you might break up with me over my drunken behavior at the football game. I apologize for the obnoxious behavior of some of my friends, but please realize that not all of my friends are jerks. Most of them just want to let loose and have a good time; they're always more than happy to have you join the party. Don't let the behavior of a few drunken idiots keep you from visiting.

With love,

Madison

Cynthia Martens ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in Italian and European studies.