Somewhere along the line it seemed like a great idea. Combine two gory movie franchises and watch the money roll in. It worked for “Freddy vs. Jason,” so why not go back to the well for more? The “Alien vs. Predator” concept was even screen-tested in comic books and video games.
And yet, the late August release of “AvP” raised a lot of questions. One thing that’s really bothersome is the fact that Predators are sort of aliens themselves. So technically, shouldn’t it be “Alien vs. Different Kind of Alien?”
Also, if Carl Weathers, who was in the original “Predator” and is better known as Chubbs Peterson from “Happy Gilmore,” could get himself elected somewhere — anywhere! — the 1987 flick would stand for centuries as the only movie to feature three future governors (California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger starred as Maj. “Dutch” Schaeffer and former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura starred as Blain).
The plot of “AvP” leaves viewers more confused than Ozzy Osbourne trying to remember the 80’s. The film starts out with a team of researchers, led by famed explorer Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan), journeying to an ancient pyramid buried deep underground in present-day Antarctica. A few wacky mishaps later and they’re trapped in this pyramid along with three angry Predators and a few dozen Aliens.
The scientists are unwittingly in the middle of some sort of ancient ritual where the Predators must slay Aliens to become adults and … well, it gets rather confusing from there.
If this isn’t enough, “AvP” takes a turn about two-thirds of the way through and it suddenly becomes the heartfelt tale of a woman and a Predator trying to put aside their differences and be pals. It’s the same old story: girl meets Predator, Predator tries to kill girl, Alien tries to kill Predator, girl kills Alien, Predator respects girl and girl and predator kill a bunch of Aliens.
Sadly, their love was never meant to be and the finale proves to be a real tear-jerker.
The most puzzling part of “AvP” lies in its rating. Doing a little math one could notice that there have been four movies from the “Alien” franchise and two from the “Predator” franchise, all earning MPAA ratings of “R.” Condense these six “R”-rated films into one glorious amalgamation and what is the result? A PG-13-rated “AvP.”
If six blockbuster films sold just fine to a mature audience, why did the producers feel the need to take the gore out of what had always been gory films? It is like taking the caffeine out of coffee.
The one thing that saves this movie from becoming the next “Gigli” is the fact that it’s quite fun to watch. Yes, the acting is terrible. No, the plot doesn’t make any sense. But does it even matter?
Hopefully nobody is planning on plunking down $8 in hopes of seeing an epic piece of cinema because it’s not going to happen. If one goes in wanting nothing more than to be entertained by two big things hitting one another, it’ll be a good time.
Director Paul W.S. Anderson tried to make an entertaining film that showcased a battle that nobody has ever seen before. The tagline reads “Whoever wins … We lose.” For anyone who expects to see a quality movie in “AvP,” it couldn’t be closer to the truth. Personally, I’ll be waiting for “Terminator vs. Jurassic Park.”
Grade: D
