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Joey Labuz wins the game for The Badger Herald
VILAS PARK — The situation was perfect. It was a familiar scenario; one that sets men up to become legends. And with 2009’s hero watching from the dugout, it was Editorial Board Chairman Joe Labuz who ensured The Badger Herald would come off the diamond victorious for the second year in a row.
Down 10-9 with two runners on and two outs, Labuz crushed a long home run over the heads of a deep Daily Cardinal outfield that was already backed up to the city limits of Middleton. The blast gave the Gentle Clowns of the Badger Herald a 12-10 walk-off win in the annual softball game, a year after former sports editor Ben Voelkel provided a theatrical ending to the 2009 game.
“There is nothing you can do about it,” Labuz said repeatedly, as he rounded the bases — each utterance of the phrase sapping the already-low self-esteem of the Dirty Bird infielders.
But as in any storybook ending, the result would not have been possible without some drama.
Up 9-3 in the top of the seventh inning, the Herald looked to be comfortably in control despite muddy, wet conditions due to the kind of weather that scares off those pansies in Major League Baseball. Needing only three outs to avenge an October loss in the flag football game, BH pitcher Michael Bleach and his defense ran into some trouble.
“Yeah, we wanted to give the Dirty Bird a chance to save face,” Bleach said. “You might say I was just clowning around out there.”
With a defense consisting of late-season call-ups, the Dirty Bird started chipping away at the deficit, eventually going ahead on a home run over the heads of an over-confident Herald outfield. Defensive substitutions helped Bleach — who had a part in all three putouts in the inning — get the Gentle Clowns off the field down just one run.
“You can’t have a walk-off win unless you’re losing, that’s totes obvi,” Bleach said. “The plan was to let the Cardinal have some fun before letting Joey just shatter their souls with one swing of the bat.”
That game plan, referred to by ArtsEtc. content editor Tony Lewis as “The worst idea I’ve ever heard,” turned out to be just crazy enough to work.
In the bottom of the seventh, Publisher Nick Penzenstadler and sports writer Cassie Paulsen reached base, and both advanced into scoring position by the time Labuz — who already had a home run in the game — came up to the plate.
Dirty Bird manager Nico Savidge already knew the game was over as soon as Labuz entered the batter’s box.
“I considered stacking the outfield, but what’s the point?” Savidge said.
Asked to elaborate on the term “stacking the outfield,” Savidge admitted he planned on sending the entire Cardinal staff into the field, but realized he didn’t want to add a 300-foot walk to what he knew was already going to be an embarrassing, shameful end to the game for the Dirty Bird.
Aside from the carefully planned seven runs the BH allowed in the top of the seventh inning, it was a game dominated by the Herald from the first drink of beer.
BH designated drinker Adam Holt won a controversial chug-off against future DC editor in chief Emma Roller that required an overtime period. Roller was visibly nervous during the bout, trembling with obvious premonitions of the softball beat-down that would follow.
“I had a bad feeling about the whole thing,” Roller said. “I’m going to have nightmares of that plastic cup hitting the ground for the rest of my life.”
Observers from both teams called Holt’s chugging everything from “magnificent,” to “terrifying and unnatural.” BH Sports editor and manager Jordan Schelling agreed Holt’s drinking made up for the two times he struck out looking during the game, adding he thought keeping Holt from swinging might work in the Gentle Clowns’ favor. He finished 1-3 with an RBI single and a walk in the game.
The Herald managed to score in the first inning after a scoreless top half, but found itself down 3-1 entering the bottom of the fourth inning. Big hits off the bats of Labuz and Editorial Page editor Sean Kittridge — blasts most easily likened to those caused by Sidewinder missiles — helped produce a six-run inning for the Gentle Clowns.
Labuz and Kittridge, who declined to create a catchy moniker like “The Bash Brothers,” or “Duran, Duran,” would strike again in the fifth inning to give the Herald a 9-3 cushion. As Kittridge put it, “the bats were pretty bangin’ today, huh?”
Frustration was clearly mounting for the Cardinal, as BH News editor Alex Brousseau was beaned in the inning, one of three Gentle Clowns to be hit by a pitch in the game. There was a tense moment when Associate Photo Editor Bobby Breitenbach, replete in short-shorts, flung his bat into the air after being hit.
But instead of rushing the mound, the Herald retaliated the only way it knew how: Hitting the cover off the ball and drinking Genny like it’s going out of style.
In the end, there was truly nothing the Cardinal could do about it.
“The bottom line is, the Dirty Birds’ bats were small and inadequate tonight,” BH editor in chief Jason Smathers said. “Small and inadequate is all too often the theme with the Cardinal.”
