One year has gone by and one newspaper is still significantly better than its smaller, incompetent counterpart.
But those differences will be tossed aside for a few hours today, as The Badger Herald and the Daily Cardinal battle on the gridiron at Vilas Park.
The Cardinal is coming off a controversial win in the 2008 match, during which the referees made several questionable calls. Although none of them directly affected the outcome of the game, which was a DC blowout, former UW student and Sports Editor Ben Voelkel felt he could not get into a rhythm because of the poor officiating.
“Absolutely ridiculous,” he said. “How am I supposed to get the ball downfield when I got a ref blowing calls on every play? I mean, I know this isn’t the NFL, but at what point do we say enough is enough?”
Voelkel won’t have to worry about moving the ball downfield this year, as sophomore photo editor Lukas Keapproth will take the ball under center for the second time in his Badger Herald career.
A former Sun Prairie High School standout, Keapproth has an offensive playbook that is unparalleled in UW sports history. He plans to run an offense that consists of throwing the ball to receivers and handing the ball off to running backs.
“There’s just so much stuff, from running the ball to throwing the ball, to passing and handing it off,” Keapproth said. “It’s really complicated stuff.”
But while much of the action will take place on the field, the battle off the field will be equally important for the rival journalists. With several athletically challenged Herald and Cardinal employees, drinking beer will be the sport of the day.
“I’m just, like, so excited for the softball — I mean football — game,” Online Content Editor Becky Vevea said. “Wait, is that tomorrow? OMG!”
Hampering the Cardinal attack will be the severe injury to Sports Editor Nico Savidge, who will be on the sidelines due to a serious case of vaginitis. He will, however, be wearing his signature black A’s hat from the coaching box.
Daily Cardinal football writer and former Sports Editor Ben Breiner is doubtful from the contest, but we don’t know why.
“Wellllll. I don’t know,” Breiner said. “It’s all about DEFENSE.”
Dirty Bird Editor in Chief Charles Brace is listed as questionable.
“Yeah, you know, I’m just uh, not too sure about that right now,” Brace said.
On the other side, The Badger Herald injury report is much less serious.
Opinion Editor Eric Schmidt is doubtful with a case of Dobra Tea Syndrome (DTS), but his being off the field will probably help the Herald, which looks to utilize its dominant athleticism — not poor taste in music — to beat down the Cardinal.
“Haven’t you ever tried [the tea]?” Schmidt said. “I just simply don’t know what I would do without tea. It’s so yummy and I love it so much. Mmmmm.”
Associate Sports Editor Jordan Schelling is a game-time decision due to a mild case of the swine flu, and Max Henson’s unwarranted attack on Editor in Chief Jason Smathers during practice last week may keep him out of the starting lineup.
“Oh, Max, he’s so dreamy,” News Content Editor Jacqi “Wacko Jacko” Ryberg said. “I hope he gets to play — I really want to see his hot bod run all over the Cardinal.”
While some injuries could hold back the Herald attack, the team’s starting core should make up for a lack of depth. Advertising Display Director Bree Bunzel, who will start at left tackle for the Herald, is guaranteeing a Herald victory.
“It’s done, and it hasn’t even started yet,” Bunzel said. “We’re going to beat them, and we’re going to beat them badly.”
With the rivalry revamped after last year’s Cardinal blowout, the Herald is looking for revenge. This time, the Herald knows it is prepared to beat the Dirty Bird but is focused more on embarrassing the inferior publication, both in print and on the field.
“It’s not about what happens, it’s about how you react to what happens,” Sports Editor Jonah Braun said. “Bring it on, bitches. We’re going 1-0.”
