Ackerstein:
For some people, it?s a born trait. For others, it’s a
learned one. But in any event, players should have their nightclub etiquette
tested before being drafted into the NFL.

Sure, pass-catching abilities and strength are important
tools by which a potential NFL player should be measured, but given all the
negative attention that can come with an unfortunate incident at a bar or strip
club, why not see how players handle themselves out on the town?

Yes, players are interviewed by teams trying to get an idea
of what the players? characters are like, but that can only go so far.
Remember, Pac-Man Jones was a top ten selection and these days it seems like
he?s more likely to score a lap-dance than a touchdown.

There is a simple solution, though. The NFL should build a
mock bar inside the RCA Dome where the combine is held and videotape players as
they spend time inside of it.

Possible drills within the bar might include how capable a
player is at ?making it rain,? how quickly they can order a round of drinks and
how well their entourage can deal with crazed autograph-seekers and rowdy fans.
Roger Goodell could even do some guest bartending.

Along with watching tape on how proficient a player is at
on-the-field actions, coaches would now be able see how their future players
will hold up off the field. When it comes to the draft, franchises are looking
for someone that can knock down passes, not shots. Nobody wants to waste a
first-rounder on Frank the Tank.

Test them now, so they aren?t arrested later. Nightclub
skills for the win.

Mason:
Strip club etiquette? Everyone should already know what to
do. Be polite, tip well and don’t get into any altercations with other patrons.

What players really need to know before going pro is how to
treat their dogs. With the whole Michael Vick dog-fighting debacle leaving a
scar on the face of the NFL, today’s young stars should be brought up to treat
their pooches with respect.

What better way to instill this behavior than adding a dog
show to the current format of the NFL’s Scouting Combine?

Roger Goodell should steal a page from the Westminster
Kennel Club when it comes to putting these muscular athletes to the test. Let
the players bring their own dogs if they want, or just use a league-issued
poodle. Think about it. What’s more grueling for a 350-pound offensive lineman:
running the 40-yard dash or prancing around with a shaved poodle on the end of
a leash?

I don’t know about you, but no one I’ve ever seen parading
around a poodle has ever looked intimidating. And for that fact, this event
will teach the future pros to have a sense of humility. Too often these days in
professional sports, athletes feel like they can get away with anything. Make
them show a toy poodle, and they won’t be so self-righteous anymore.

If the league adds this event to the combine, they could
double their market of viewers on television. Currently, the NFL Network
broadcasts the combine live. If each player shows a dog along as well, think
how many hours of extra broadcast (and new fans) the network could pick up if
it teams with Animal Planet. It’s called synergy, folks.

And after all, wouldn’t teaching strip club etiquette just
plant bad ideas into the minds of these young athletes?

Pair a quarterback up with man’s best friend, and he’ll be
more inclined to party with his retriever, not his receiver.

Dogs at the combine equals dollars on draft day. Woof.