Last week the longest name in sports, Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo — a.k.a. Dikembe Mutombo — somehow found his way back into the news.

This was surprising for two reasons. First, like most of you, I imagine, I had no idea Dikembe and his wagging “no-no” finger was still in the league. I could’ve sworn Mount Mutombo had gone the way of Bimbo Coles, Anfernee Hardaway and the rainbow-striped Nuggets jersey.

Second, I was shocked at why Mutombo was in the news; he is asking folks to quit poking fun at his age. While this is amusing, it isn’t the surprising part. When you are in your upper 60s and still playing in the NBA, you will get a fair amount of cane-and-walker jokes, guaranteed. However, what was shocking was Dikembe isn’t a card-carrying member of the AARP yet, but is, in fact — brace yourself — only 40.

This was immediately proven to me only moments after I heard the statement as I realized that age would bring wisdom, and it doesn’t take Confucius to know that if fans are doing something that bothers you, the last thing you want to do is discourage it.

That’s like sending an e-mail with a compromising photo to your English 100 lecture class list and then sending another asking them just to delete it. Chances are better that people will stop if they think it doesn’t bother you.

So, while Dikembe is certainly no spring chicken, he proved to me he is truly just an ancient looking 40-year-old and not a normal looking 65-year-old.

However, the Rockets’ center could start a revolution of age-griping in sports.

The Congo’s most recognizable hoopster is paving the way for more of sports’ age-challenged to petition to bring an end to the old-man jokes that are just as much a part of athletics as the “pitcher, pitcher, belly-itcher” chant. Many of the greats spanning from Bill Russell to Mark Messier to Otto Graham and to Cal Ripken Jr. have all had to deal with geezer jokes.

If Mutombo’s plea for release from comparisons to Methuselah is actually followed one day, it would be a terrible loss to hecklers everywhere and it begins a walk down a very dangerous sporting path.

The timing of Dike’s decree is especially disturbing because it comes now, when maybe the greatest personality in the history of graybeards is only just starting his career. Of course, I refer to the world’s oldest freshman, Greg Oden, who looks like he has probably been able to buy his friends’ beer and Playboy magazines since he’s been 12.

Making the geezer joke off-limits for almost the entire breadth of Oden’s career would be a critical blow to hecklers and sportswriters everywhere. It would be like telling Jerry Seinfeld that jokes starting “What’s the deal with” were suddenly taboo. Oden is just as much a prodigy as a heckling object as he is as a basketball player.

It wouldn’t stop at Oden, either. Baseball’s Julio Franco — who surely must take most of his meals from a straw and doesn’t play day games because they interfere with his midday naps — would also become off-limits. Still, you can’t cry too hard about that. Franco has had a good run, having played at least the last 15 of his 200 years in the major leagues taking shots for being not just the oldest guy on the field, but also the oldest guy in the stadium for most games.

But think about young blossoming talents like Danny Almonte, whose career is just getting started. Almonte you’ll remember is the Little League World Series star who was found to be over the age limit by two years. So while he looks baby-faced, Almonte is still a prime target for those wishing to make mustached 12-year-old jibes. Almonte hasn’t really done himself any favors in quieting those who would make fun of his age, by marrying a 30-year-old at the age of 18. Still, kudos to him.

In fact, Mutombo’s call for an end to age catcalls could eventually lead to similar movements by other athletes who are easy to pick on.

Could you imagine the horror if former Jazz guard Jeff Hornacek and current Northwestern “star” Tim Doyle tried to make it illegal to call players dweebs or nerds? I shiver at the thought of a world bereft of Tim Doyle jokes.

Or what about if weight jokes were off-limits? I mean, for the better part of a decade, Major League Baseball leaned heavily on Mo Vaughn’s ummm … stature. I mean, the portly first baseman got it done at the plate (both home plate and the dinner plate). That is until he got to New York. It was bad karma when the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after him, I say.

The point is, even though we are supposed to respect our elders, we cannot allow Dikembe Mutombo to get away with this. So next time you see the Morgan Freeman’s granddad look-alike, you make sure he hears it and help protect one of sports’ greatest traditions: heckling geezers, bums, wide-loads and goofballs since … well, since forever.

Dave McGrath is a senior majoring in English and journalism. If you too think Dikembe should shut up and go grab some Ensure, you can reach Dave at [email protected].