Since its inception in 1979, ESPN has been feeding its viewers unhealthy doses of sports programming 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Sports fans sit back, relax and watch anything from the World's Strongest Man competition to professional ping-pong, which is great stuff if you've never seen it.
Lately, however, ESPN has become a major corporation, more concerned with advertisements and personalities than appealing to the hardcore sports fans who made the station what it is today. Don't get me wrong, after a tough day of classes there are few things I enjoy more than turning my brain off to watch Kornheiser and Wilbon duke it out for 30 minutes on "Pardon the Interruption."
ESPN is not all bad, in fact it's pretty good, but for the last 12 years of my life ESPN has been the only station I watch consistently and year after year it becomes less appealing to the die-hard sports fan.
In 2005 the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network debuted "The Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame…" Hosted by Brian Kenny, the show examines controversial figures in the world of sports that later emerged as scapegoats. Some examples are the top five reasons you can't blame Steve Bartman for the Cubs 2003 playoff collapse or Kobe Bryant for the breakup of the Lakers. The show is very well done, and every time I tune in I learn something new.
So without further adieu, I present the top five reasons you can't blame a sports fan for despising ESPN. As Brian Kinney always points out, I am not trying to change your views but rather present the facts to you in a manner that perhaps you have never considered.
No. 5: SportsCenter
At one point in time a sports fan could get all of the day's top stories and highlights by tuning in to a 30 minute edition of SportsCenter. Today, the hour-long program is filled with feature stories, "expert analysis" and advertisements. Everybody loves a good cry once in a while, but how many times do we need to hear the same human interest story in one week? Let us not forget about last summer's "50 states in 50 days" debacle. Life may be an open road, but that's doesn't mean we need to take a long, overdone and tacky ride on it. Apparently ESPN learned from their mistakes by exploiting sick kids on this summer's "My Wish" series, where terminally ill children were filmed meeting their favorite athletes. I got a mobile alert for you ESPN: People don't like waiting an hour to see their favorite team's highlights. Show the highlights, throw me a few clever catch phrases and let me go to sleep.
No. 4: SportsCenter anchors/analysts
Is it just me, or has every SportsCenter anchor morphed into one giant Jerry Seinfeld? The dry, sarcastic humor may have worked for the sitcom, but I like my sports highlights to have a little life to them. John Anderson, Neil Everett and Scott Van Pelt all seem to crack themselves up, but that's about it. What happened to the days when every SportsCenter anchor had a different personality? Where have you gone Rich Eisen, Craig Kilborn and Keith Olbermann? Sports fans love you more than you ever will know.
Moving on to analysts: Since when does being a former backup quarterback with a stupid haircut make you the end all and be all opinion on the NFL? Sean Salisbury made a greater contribution as a commentator on Battle Bots — you know, the ultimate competition in the field of extreme robotic sports — than he does on NFL Live. I got a news flash for you ESPN: Just because someone played a professional sport does not mean they're qualified to be on television.
No. 3: Banter shows
"Pardon the Interruption" is the best show on television, but before 4:30 p.m., ESPN is unwatchable. I'll come back to the "Cold Pizza's First and Ten" program in a minute, but for now let's talk about "Jim Rome is Burning." This pompous radio host somehow got his own show, with a set that resembles a pornography studio from your favorite feature film. Then there's "Around the Horn." Lately this show has grown on me and host Tony Reali does an excellent job managing the ridiculous personalities who appear daily — but the show is just not necessary. PTI covers the same exact stories and provides better insight from more qualified columnists.
No. 2: Stuart Scott
This guy's shtick is older than Julio Franco. He really does a great job of capturing the moment with catch phrases like "Booya" or "He earned his PHD — player hater's degree."
Scott is clearly a knowledgeable journalist and sports fan, but, my God man, we get it, you went to North Carolina and you like the Tar Heels.
Before you Scott fans out there give me an "oh no he di'int," remember another one of Scott's infamous catch phrases … "Don't hate the playa, hate the game." That didn't really make any sense, but neither does Scott.
No. 1: Anything to do with Woody Paige
How this Denver Post columnist became a major contributor to ESPN makes zero sense. Am I crazy, or is Paige's personality on "Around the Horn" eerily similar to that of a schizophrenic drug addict? His incoherent jibber jabber is harder to understand that Mr. T in Rocky III, and "Cold Pizza's First and Ten" has to be one of the worst shows on television. Listening to Paige and Skip Bayless (who is just as bad) argue on the day's 10 most "important" topics is more painful than watching PTI with Dan Le Batard and Jason Whitlock. "First and Ten" is so clearly scripted by its producers just so those two maniacs can pretend to disagree on every single topic since the show debuted.
There you have it the folks: The top five reasons you can't blame a sports fan for despising ESPN. If you find it harder and harder to watch ESPN everyday, then there is only one thing you can do … watch ESPNEWS.
Andrew is a junior majoring in journalism. If you're interested in starting a new round-the-clock sports network contact him at [email protected].
