Schmoldt Says:

The only part of the NFL Draft worth watching is the final pick, coincidentally dubbed "Mr. Irrelevant," and this year — insert Chris Berman voice here — the Raiders have the honor for the third time in four years. The player will be the 47th choice of the seventh round, or the 255th pick overall, a number that is somehow higher than Dave's golf score was on Monday.

So who should this year's Mr. Irrelevant be? He either has to have a goofy name, or come from a random school in the middle of nowhere. Or, in the spirit of Ed Nelson, why not go with a basketball player and just turn him into a football player? Let's combine all three, actually.

My pick is big John Bunch out of Monmouth, the biggest guy in the NCAA tourney and a guy that Dave liked to tear apart after his trip to Philly. Dave doesn't think he can play basketball? Fine, let him hit the gridiron and see what happens. This 7-foot-2, 320 pound monster will wreak havoc on whoever Dave decides should challenge him. In fact, since Dave is choosing a "Miss Irrelevant"–which I think is against NFL rules, I think Bunch has got a pretty damn good chance. I think Dave just picked Katie to pick someone he can actually beat at golf.

I could see Bunch as a hefty offensive tackle, or perhaps becoming the next Antonio Gates. Gates played basketball at Kent State but is now arguably the best tight end in the NFL. He was never even drafted, so Oakland better snatch up Bunch before someone tries to get him as a free agent.

I can see Bunch doing something in the NFL. I can see Hnida botching a few dozen more field goal tries–in practice. Then again, I could be seeing McGrath shoot another 125 out on the golf course next Monday.

Dave Says:

If I'm holding the last pick in the NFL Draft, I have to make a statement with that pick. I mean, although the pick is probably not going to make much of an impact on my team, I still am going to need around $250,000 to sign this schmo, so he better have something better to offer than mediocre football skills.

With that in mind I would definitely make my pick Katie Hnida, the college kicker from Colorado who went onto fame at the University of New Mexico. The pick would make a difference not only on my football team, but also throughout the whole world.

Through picking Hnida I am making a stand against many of the -isms that plague not only football, but the world in general.

I would be the first NFL franchise to employ a female player, thus enfranchising all of the franchises. The message would be clear, that women would be allowed on my sidelines anytime. Signing Hnida would open people's minds as to the abilities of female athletes. It would also probably ensure a sellout of many of my games and open the doors for a whole new set of advertisers. Just imagine: A Platex commercial following a Miller Light spot.

Secondly, as she is currently making a bazillion dollars a year as a motivational speaker, she would have no problem signing for the rookie minimum, even though she is a big name celebrity. The last thing you want after your draft is a rookie holdout.

Thirdly, if morons like Bill Gramatica and Jose Cortez can kick in the NFL there is no doubt that Hnida could.

At the very least, locker room morale would be raised. And if she didn't work out, there is always the off chance she would want to stay on as a cheerleader and thus become the highest drafted pom-pom user of all-time.