With the college basketball and college hockey tournaments over and done with, I decided that I can finally get to all that mail that has been stacking up and take some time to fulfill my avid readers' requests and delve into the old mailbag. So without further hesitation … here we go.
What's it going to take for the Brewers to start hitting the ball with runners on base?
The way I see it, it will be one of two things. Either you just need to be patient, come to the realization that it is still April and let the youngsters work some kinks out or you need to hope that Christopher Lloyd is going to grow some wings and Roger is going to flap his arms at Ned Yost. Hey … it could happen.
Is bringing Ron Artest to Sacramento at all similar to "The O.C." just giving up wherever it was attempting to go and just bringing in loads of sex and drugs to revitalize the customers just long enough to fool them into thinking things will end well when really we all know both the Maloofs and Josh Schwartz are in entirely more trouble than they'd care to admit at the end of this season?
Perhaps, but is bringing Terrell Owens to Dallas like A.C. Slater transferring to Valley and dating that Allison girl that stole the beret that Violet gave to Screech for good luck only to come to the realization that the only thing that really matters is that Zack Morris ends up with Kelly Kapowski just like Terrell Owens ends up with Bill Parcells when all is said and done?
What's it going to take to get Lou Piniella back in the big leagues and would a team like Kansas City be a good fit?
I heard that Sweet Lou may be making an appearance as head coach of The Badger Herald softball team when it takes on the Daily Cardinal this Friday. Beyond that, I wouldn't mind it if he dabbled in another sport. Why not become an assistant basketball coach under Bob Knight at Texas Tech? Two hyphenated words: Hat-kicking and chair-throwing.
After following your columns over the past few semesters, I have come to the conclusion that you are an expert on two subjects: beer and sports. In that light, can you please tell me what is the greatest beer sport? Is it golf? Darts? Bowling? Hopscotch? How should I excel to impress my friends and girls too?
Well, this is definitely a peculiar question, because if you've been reading my columns, you would know I take my beerpong pretty seriously. I've even had to go on the 60-day disabled list due to an injured throwing hand. But the true correct answer is that there is no right or wrong answer to that question, as long as you find a way to creatively incorporate the two together. For instance, how about going one beer per hole in golf, or, since you seem to be such an avid advocate of the game, incorporating both hops and scotch into hopscotch?
Is it just me, or is Jose Lima (bean) the worst major leaguer of all time?
To be quite blunt, you are just wrong. How soon you forget he was a 21-game winner in 1999 and was 13-5 just two years ago. I don't care if he gave up nine runs and 11 hits in Triple-A ball the other night, all the time is Lima Time! Believe it!
The Caspian Sea (CITES) ban on Persian sturgeon last week raises an interesting economic point extending into the realm of athletics. If the Persian Sturgeon were a wrestler, what would he look like and what would he name his finishing move?
Well, since a Sturgeon is a fish and a Persian is a cat, I think that the Persian Sturgeon would probably look like a catfish — maybe if he donned a cat suit complete with some fins. Either way, he wouldn't be complete without a wispy mustache. And somehow that wispy mustache would be just like that of a catfish, so that if it got irritated — or had some 'roid rage — he would sting his opponent. I'll call it the "Morrison Stinger."
I once heard an urban myth that Wade Boggs once drank 64 Miller Lites on a cross-country flight from Boston to Los Angeles. Some have even said it was closer to 72. Boggs, however, claims it was "just a couple." If this rumor is true, why hasn't he been honored sooner? Screw the Hall of Fame, we need a Boggsfest!
For the record, I believe in Wade. Boggs is the man, how about we rename next weekend's bash Mifflin Street Boggs Party?
Prominent athletes have had the habit of making cameo appearances in movies and television, such as Dirk Nowitzki in "Like Mike" and the Andretti brothers in the show "Home Improvement." Which athlete do you think will be the next one to be labeled as the cameo superstar?
Hey, hey, don't forget about Gheorghe Muresan in "My Giant"! As for the future, I'm guessing Latrell Sprewell will make an appearance on "Lost." It only seems fitting.
That's all I've got time for this week. Please continue to send in your questions to [email protected].
