Schelling: It’s a new year, a new decade and along with it has come a new John Daly.
One thing, though, that hasn’t changed about the recently slimmed down golfer is his lack of professionalism. Daly, who recently starting modeling for Slix, a new brand of men’s underwear, made headlines yesterday for his actions on Twitter.
In case you haven’t heard, Daly published the personal phone number of Florida Times-Union golf writer Garry Smits. But that was not enough for Daly. He added that Smits was a “jerk,” and that his Twitter followers should “CALL & FLOOD” his line to tell Smits how they feel. Seems like the most professional and mature way to deal with the situation, right?
Probably not, but if Daly wanted to go this route, he could have gone much farther with much more entertaining results. Since Daly’s actions are far from mature, why not go back to the elementary school method of dealing with people that say true, but negative things about you?
If Daly really wanted to shame Smits, he should start spreading rumors about Smits. Tell people that Smits drinks more than Daly did in his prime (a fifth of Jack Daniel’s a day) and sleeps with more women than Tiger Woods. If that doesn’t ruin Smits credibility, what will?
Daly could take it one step further, even. Remember the best way to get back at someone you didn’t like in elementary school? Just uninvite them from your birthday party.
With Daly’s birthday coming up on April 28, what better way to show Smits you’re upset with him than rescinding his invitation to Daly’s big bash? Even a slimmed down Daly can surely be counted on to throw a hell of a shindig for his 44th.
Daly’s immature tweet about Smits did nothing more than add to the immature, unprofessional image of the California native and University of Arkansas graduate. If he really wanted to get back at Smits, he should have quipped one single line: “You’re not invited to my birthday party anymore!”
Holt: Come on, Schelling. Let’s give Daly a little more credit.
I think we can both agree the embattled golfer possesses the emotional I.Q. of someone not nearly old enough to legally drink the amount he does. But Daly’s actions screamed more “high school” to me than something the K-6 crowd would come up with.
Johnny boy’s tweet was more akin to the vengeance a 17-year-old girl might enact after Betty Jones called her new purse “like, so totally fugly.” At that point, the “in” crowd would, like, spam her voicemail and post the most, like, totally mean things on her Facebook.
Unfortunately for John, there’s this little thing called visual voicemail that kind of foils his plan.
So what’s another method of revenge — something that really tells Smits that what he did was so not Raven, yet is more akin to Daly’s teenage sense of ethics?
The classic TP-ing.
Why not head over to the local Wal-Mart and pick up a 48-pack of Charmin Ultra Soft, a carton of eggs and a box of plastic forks? Nothing says “OMG, u r teh lamez0rz” like some harmless, non-permanent vandalism.
It’s not hard to imagine Daly hiding in the bushes across the street after ding-dong-ditching Smits, snickering at the look of surprised horror on the unsuspecting journalist’s face as he examines the white mess that has invaded the trees and bushes in his front yard.
At that point, I’m sure Daly would throw up his fifth of Jack in the street as he ran away, giving Smits the middle finger the whole time. Great success!
As effective as the withdrawn birthday party invitation was in third grade, Daly is (just barely) more advanced than that. TP-ing Smits’ house not only says “you suck,” but leaves him with at least a good two hours of clean up, provided the job was done right. While Smits is busy pulling toilet paper out of his trees, he can ponder the real question: why won’t the PGA do anything about John Daly?
