Braun:

Oakland Raiders head coach Tom Cable beats his wives, girlfriends and even members of his coaching staff.

With that in mind, it’s really no surprise Cable and the 2-6 Raiders are once again in the cellar of the NFL. The recent exposure of Cable’s past and his actions this season further show how little leadership he possesses and how unqualified he is to coach in the NFL.

But what about the Big Ten?

If Cable took his Raiders and brought them to college football’s best conference in the Midwest, would Oakland succeed? Well, the answer is simple: No.

Why, you ask? With talent like Darren McFadden, Nnamdi Asomugha and Richard Seymour, the Raiders would be able to literally run all over any Big Ten opponent en route to a Rose Bowl or National Championship berth.

But with great talent comes a really big coach who likes to hit people.

If the Raiders were in the Big Ten, they wouldn’t crack the top three, simply because Cable would beat up every player on the roster before they would have a chance to play conference opponents.

Sure, they might be able to challenge Purdue, Illinois and maybe even Northwestern, but that’s not really an accomplishment anyway.

Maybe if Cable cleans up his act, the Raiders can improve as a team. Until then, Oakland fans should hope his job is terminated.

Bleach:

Would the Oakland Raiders crack the top three in the Big Ten?

That’s a good one. What is our PCP really on?

Wait, that is actually the question?

Well let me answer this question with some queries of my own.

Do the Raiders have the fattest quarterback-kicker combination in the league?

Do they have a senile old man who has possibly turned into a zombie as an owner?

Are they the first NFL team to lose at least 11 games in six straight seasons?

If these questions haven’t made my answer apparent yet, then let me clear up any confusion.

No. No. Nein.

There, I said it in three languages. They would not crack the top 3 in the Big Ten.

The Raiders have been such a laughable organization since their Super Bowl run in 2002, never doubt the ways in which they can screw up.

Sure, they might give Indiana a run for their money and a game against Illinois could end up in negative total points, but the Raiders could never compete with Big Ten heavyweights.

Ohio State has more future NFL hopefuls currently on the Buckeyes roster than the Raiders do.

Penn State wins in an old man competition pitting JoPa against Al Davis.

And Iowa would win ugly, because that is what the Hawkeyes do.

Should the Raiders come to town, however, we can send them down the road. I heard UW-Whitewater needs a team for a scrimmage.