How many OWI arrests does it take before a Wisconsin representative finally loses his seat at the popular kids’ lunch table?

According to the adolescents operating in that big building with the pointy top, more than one-hand’s-worth, apparently. At least that is the precedent the Wisconsin state Assembly set when they decided Rep. Jeff Wood, I-Chippewa Falls, was still invited to the playgroup, despite the embattled representative’s inability to play (drive) well with others.

Let us review: As Chippewa Falls’ favorite tavern tippler, Wood made headlines back in September when he was pulled over for his fourth OWI charge less than one week after his Democrat buddies passed a bill toughening OWI laws in our infamously inebriated state. Though the irony was thicker than a Mother’s Day Bloody Mary, even Rep. Steve Nass, R-Whitewater, waited to propose punishment as Wood said he was sorry and checked himself into a program for alcohol and drug abuse. And good for him. After all, it takes a big man to admit his mistakes when he is caught for the fourth time.

Unfortunately, the story didn’t sober up there.

One month later, Wood mysteriously ducked rehab in Minnesota and found himself in custody of Tomah police trying to explain why there were “S”-shaped tracks trailing his car for several miles. Though the failed sobriety test video that was leaked may have been hysterical — you are supposed to walk forward, Jeff, not stumble backwards — Wood’s lack of a reasonable explanation was not.

Five OWI arrests. Three coming in the span of one year. A 45-day jail sentence. The last arrest while the pride of Chippewa Falls was supposed to be in rehab. Finally, the bipartisan issue President Obama has been searching for. Democrats, Republicans, pinko-commies and the few remaining Whigs can all unanimously agree, this man probably isn’t fit to hold public office if he is more of a danger to the public than a 16-year-old girl texting and driving.

Unless, of course, losing Wood’s seat would upset the Democratic majority in the Assembly (and yes, technically he is just a liberal independent). Then perhaps, expulsion isn’t such a good idea. In that case, reasons to merely censure Wood, and not boot him, come readily available.

“His fourth OWI might get thrown out,” “He wasn’t drinking, he just mixed two bottles of cough syrup with too many anti-anxiety meds,” and “The dog ate his cab money to get home from the bar.”

So congrats, Wisconsin state Assembly. The Herald honors you. As opinion writers, we thought we knew a thing or two about persuasive speech, but your justification of Wood’s actions was truly mind (over .08) blowing.