When it comes to right and wrong, everybody thinks they have it figured out. Everybody is sure that their rationale is best.

What some people don’t realize is regardless of what your thoughts are, even those that are logical and grounded in morality, you can rest assured there will almost always be someone who is certain you are wrong. For proof, see Senate candidate for Missouri and former Klansman Glenn Miller.

Certain issues have no concrete solutions, no definite right or wrong, and seem destined to be debated forever. These eternal debates circulate around two equally irresolvable issues: religion and taxes: the meaning of life and a W-2 form. New religions and political parties with their own takes on these issues pop up more often than a high schooler’s erection during a homecoming slow dance.

And like God’s divine hand touching Adam’s lifeless finger sparked life into humanity, Ron Paul’s — or maybe it was Missourian Rush Limbaugh’s (Missouri again… Maybe the Mormons are right and the Garden of Eden really was in Missouri) — tea bagging gave life to an entirely new party and, potentially, to the saviors of America.

The inciters of tax reform through fiscal conservatism, the Tea Party and the simple-minded, every-man-made-disciple Joe the Plumber, blessed Wisconsin with their presence this past week, making stops in Madison, Eau Claire, Milwaukee and Green Bay; spreading the good word about the level of the government’s fiscal responsibility.

Their presence allowed the people of Wisconsin — man, woman and child alike — to collectively take a sigh of relief, knowing the authorities on government spending were among us.

For the past couple weeks, the Tea Party Express III has been blowing into towns across America telling all those “experts” and Nobel Laureates of economics out there to step aside to make room for the new sheriff in town — a regular guy who likes football, big breasts and Budweiser and knows how to tax Americans. He’s just an everyday man, with an everyday job and a surprisingly uncanny ability to solve the economy’s problems.

These economic think tanks began to come out of the woodwork shortly after the government’s large bailouts. Early on, their words fell mostly onto deaf ears, as they had no organization, no collective voice to reinforce and legitimize their beliefs.

Two years ago, I witnessed one of these lost sheep; a man who had no party to call his own. It was at the Pinkus McBride Convenience Store on East Johnson Street.

The government had just made its tremendous bailouts and, with them, for one man, came the opening of the sky. Luckily, for some unsuspecting individuals, this courageous soul felt it necessary to preach what he had seen in his prophetic vision the night before.

“This is exactly how socialism started in Italy after World War II, ya’ know. The government started buying businesses, one by one, and before anyone knew it, the government controlled the economy. That’s what Obama wants,” the man shouted at the unmoved cashier (Note: May not be historically accurate).

Staring blankly, the cashier told the man to “Please, shut up.”

Watching TV late the night before, sitting in his Jockeys and coffee-stained undershirt, this modern-day messiah was able to see Obama’s bailouts for the diabolical plot to turn America into a communist country that they really were. How could the rest of us have been so blind?

It wasn’t long after this sentiment was voiced to the humble patrons of that convenience store that the Tea Party started its rise to power.

How the government spends our money is always going to be up for debate, and rightfully so. There isn’t a problem with protesting taxes you disagree with, however, all tax reformists, not just the tea baggers, would be wise to remember just how clueless they really are. And keep in mind that people that are much smarter, more accomplished and more experienced with these problems than nearly any tax reformists are the ones that are working on them. If all it took was a flat tax or deregulation to straighten our economy out, it would not have been overlooked after all this time. If all the politicians and the experts they surround themselves with can’t come up with a solution to our economy’s woes, chances are you and a bunch of your poker buddies won’t be able to either.

If only Jesus had been an accountant instead of a carpenter, then we could have looked to the Bible for a solution, and this whole crisis would have been avoided. But, until his second coming as a CPA, we’ll just have to wait for any divine budget ideas.

In the meantime, consider that trying to answer whether more or less taxes is a regressive plan during a recession is like trying to answer the question “What’s the meaning of life?” No one can say for certain, which, apparently, only means that dozens of groups will take it upon themselves to let the rest of us know what their convictions are, regardless of how little we care.

With a growing communist economy in China and atheism on the rise, maybe it’s time for those with these convictions to rethink how right or wrong they believe them to be.

David Carter ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in forestry.