Only in Wisconsin could a governor work such cultural icons as Sarah Palin and Brett Favre into a press conference. After announcing his intention not to run for a third term as governor, Gov. Jim Doyle forswore the precedent set by Palin of abandoning the governor’s mansion for a life of inane Facebook proclamations and absurd Twitter tweets. “I won’t pull a Brett Favre,” Doyle assured us, jokingly referring to the vicissitude of Green Bay’s erstwhile quarterback.
A day later Benedict, er, Favre signed with the Minnesota Vikings and reminded us just why we should appreciate our governor: mediocrity.
Like a prodigal son, Favre had returned not to the open arms of his loving family, but rather to the noisome neighbors who had run over the cherished family pet — twice. Where Doyle’s decision not to run for re-election was treated with widespread ambivalence from the majority of cheeseheads, Favre’s decision was met with widespread derision, excitement and discussion. Somewhere, Michael Vick was incredibly relieved that the predominant quarterback-returns-to-NFL story no longer featured him.
A comparison of the two is undeniably unfair to Doyle. Doyle “Frankenstein” vetoed, Favre won the Superbowl. Doyle presided over two economic recessions, Favre, two Superbowl appearances. Doyle deals with state legislators who can barely obey traffic signals, much less pass a responsible budget. Favre deals with elite athletes and scantily clad cheerleaders. Favre broke records, Doyle, the Wisconsin’s budget. And Favre’s No. 4 jersey has consistently outsold Doyle’s campaign T-shirts.
But, to his credit, Doyle will never break Wisconsin hearts the way Favre has.
If Favre’s perfidy isn’t enough to convince you of the value of our governor, consider the antics of his fellow governors. There are those who say our governor lacks the fire-in-his-belly intensity and principled idealism, as well as the national stature to elicit much more than a half yawn at his departure. Well, consider the case of soon-to-be-former Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina. Sanford stoically refused to accept funds from President Barack Obama’s stimulus and refused to use taxpayer funds to buy a home in D.C. when he was in Congress, eschewing a bed for a cot in his Capitol Hill office. He was an early Republican frontrunner for the 2012 presidential nomination.
Yet this summer the nation watched as his administration imploded in the wage of a bizarre romantic courtship that stretched from the once Confederate flag-adorned lawns of the South Carolina state capitol building to the coasts of Argentina.
“This is a love story,” Sanford said of his infidelity. His wife isn’t so romantic in her appraisal: “Affairs,” she asserts, “are almost like an addiction to alcohol or pornography.”
South Carolinians are certainly envious that Wisconsin citizens could never envision such a scenario that would involve the Doyle’s. Unlike former Gov. Tommy Thompson, “womanizer” is hardly an epithet employed by Doyle’s detractors.
There is, of course, no need to look much further south than our neighbor state of Illinois for a bombastic and corrupt foil to our quotidian governor. It was less than a year ago when federal agents shocked the nation and rocked the newly minted Obama administration with revelations that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich had attempted to “sell” Obama’s vacant Senate seat.
The nation was further shocked to learn that the cameras had not caught him on a bad hair day, for that truly is Blagojevich’s hairstyle. Wisconsin residents must have breathed a sigh of relief when they remembered that our governor has no hair with which to make himself appear a fool.
And there is of course the example of Palin, former governor of Alaska, which, you may have heard, is our first line of defense against the ever-encroaching Russian menace. Need I cite the myriad examples of why Palin’s rambling “speeches,” confused utterances and loony proclamations make our governor look like an exemplar of stability and intelligence?
Alaska languished in the national spotlight as a presidential campaign painfully and spectacularly revealed to the nation that it was a state lead by an unmitigated and dangerously absurd buffoon. One feels fortunate Wisconsin suffered no such fate at the hands of our governor.
When you think of Doyle, don’t think of his alarmingly low approval rating, but rather the wave of progressive votes he rode to re-election even as Wisconsin voters very non-progressively voted against allowing same sex unions. Consider the broken hearts left by Favre. Look to the lunacy and hairstyles of the governors of other states.
In the end, embrace the mediocrity that was the Doyle administration. Considering the alternatives, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Gerald Cox ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in economics and languages and cultures of Asia.
