I remember a time when I could purchase a burger, fries and a drink for $5. Lincoln’s half-smiling face was a promise of fast-food goodness. Or six Milky Way bars and two Gatorades. Or two packs of pepperoni and a bag of Peanut M&Ms — a surprisingly delicious combination that you should definitely try before knocking. There were, as many of you may remember, many combinations of foodstuffs one could procure for a mere $5 in the 1990s. Coincidentally, I used to be about 40 pounds overweight when the $5 bill’s worth was at its height.
On a college student’s budget for the past four years, I have long yearned to return to these times. However, when I recently learned $5 would purchase five Overture Centers, I was immediately reassured of the worth of my favorite denomination of currency. If I can purchase one Overture Center with $1, how many hours in the College Library parking lot can I purchase with a quarter? I could probably even spend enough money to get student turnout in an ASM election into the double digits.
It wasn’t long, however, until I realized the true cost of the Overture Center wasn’t $1, but a whopping $28 million. The Overture Development Corporation, in a move multiple media sources have called variations of confusing, complicated and murky, has proposed selling the $205 million Overture Center to the city of Madison for $1. The catch, of course, is that the Overture Center comes not only with resplendent, world-class facilities, but also a budget-busting $28 million in unpaid construction debt. In an effort to find an entity with deep enough pockets, ODC is appealing to the city to take ownership and help pay off about $12 million of the Overture Center’s construction debt.
By now, you’ve hopefully realized the dollar, and by extension the $5 bill, is not worth nearly as much as Overture’s asking price would indicate.
Of course, it’s far too late for such conjecture. The worry now is the aforementioned resplendent and world-class facilities will soon become a resplendent and world-class testimony to the financial depravity and misdeeds of the ODC.
The impending collapse of what I had assumed was a cherished, valued part of Madison’s cultural hub scene has left me wondering just what do we, as Madisonians, want? The Memorial Union is one of the most successful venues for just about anything in Madison. The Kohl Center and Camp Randall seem to be in little danger of financial insolvency. The East and West Towne malls are clearly popular destinations. The State Capitol is usually a bustling place. Yet the Overture Center, for all its beauty, great location and pretention, fails to keep our interest. What gives?
The City has no interest in adding more debt to its budget. We aren’t buying the Overture Center. What the Overture Center needs is a new direction in order to attract the Sconnie crowd. I’ve spent close to five years observing the citizens of Madison, and I’m pretty sure I’ve got just the ticket to boost ticket sales and return the Overture Center to solvency.
First and foremost, the Overture Center needs beer. That deafening roar you just heard was either my vast readership roaring in approval upon collectively reading that line — my vast readership all read my column at the same time — or the sound of a snow plow on University Ave. The Union and much of State Street bask in the glow provided by the Sconnie’s drink of choice. If Wisconsinites knew they could come to the fancy shmancy Overture Center and enjoy a few drinks, there would be a line out the door clear up State Street to the Capitol steps.
Second, Overture needs cheaper prices. The Union is always packed because no one really has to pay a cent to get in and partake in a plethora of low-cost to free activities — like SSFC meetings. I’m no thespian, but $55 for Bill Cosby may be just a bit too much. I would advise the Overture Center’s management that people don’t want to pay the prices they’re asking for the product they’re selling. How would I know that, you ask? Because the Overture Center is trying to sell itself for a dollar.
Thirdly, it’s time for a makeover. Wisconsin residents have a hard time with the Overture Center’s glamorous veneer and pretentious fancy lettering. We think you’re a museum and wander in expecting everything to be free. If you look that nice, we figure someone else is paying for it. Unless, of course, you’re selling beer, which will be bought in excess and with little complaint. I’d suggest some sports memorabilia on the walls for a more homey feel. And for goodness sake, serve some greasy food. Burgers! Fries! Hot dogs! Indulge us!
Fourthly, what the Overture Center needs is music. Loud music. That makes it hard to hear the person next you. I’d say a dance floor is needed, but it’s a theatre. There are places to dance all over!
Finally, what the Overture Center needs is a never-to-be-enforced 21-and-up-only rule. Sconnie’s despise pretention, but age-based exclusion creates an aura of sophistication that is entirely hard to resist. By not letting certain people in, you can rest assured that they’ll try, even creating a sub-economy for procuring means to enter illegally.
So basically what the Overture Center needs to do to capture the hearts of Madisonians and remedy its fiscal ills, is become a bar.
Gerald Cox ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in economics and languages and cultures of Asia.
