For all the excitement, you'd think that Santa Claus was coming to town. In fact, the only thing that could make Madison happier right now would be a state budget. Today, however, the city of Madison will accept a worthy consolation prize: Sen. Barack Obama is coming to town. His arrival will be greeted with a frenzy of press coverage, adoring acolytes and Madisonian fanfare fit for a president — or a man who wants to be one. His is an eventful visit — the last time a man of Mr. Obama's political stature visited our city, it was John Kerry, and he too was trying — and failing — to become president. Mr. Obama's upcoming visit allows Madisonians the opportunity to reconsider the excitement surrounding the political superstar that is Mr. Obama. And the more one considers Mr. Obama, the more one must become convinced that Santa Claus is indeed coming to Madison on Monday. Their obvious physical differences aside, Mr. Obama and old Saint Nick really do share a few similarities. The electoral youth are falling in love with Mr. Obama's engaging and approachable style, his charismatic discourse, his Lincolnian inexperience and his virginal Senate record. His prescience regarding Iraq has us convinced of his sagacity and inability to make a wrong decision, and we are captivated by his race and youth. He's different. He's cute. He's Barack Obama. But is it truly the belief that the young hold in him that makes him the political equivalent of Father Christmas? Is it his proverbial sleigh full of political promise and change? Hardly. It is because President Barack Obama does not exist, will never exist, and has never existed. We, as a nation, won't, don't and have not elected men like Obama. Men who have a vision, charisma and youth. Men who haven't yet had the opportunity to sell their souls for political fortune. Men who espouse change. Who are, as of yet, unsullied by the corrupt depravity of Capitol Hill. Men who are different, outside of the cookie-cutter mold of the American Presidency. Men whose names are unpronounceable to a sizable portion of the voting population. Men like that, America will not elect. Those contributing to his campaign might as well write a check to me, for America does not elect Barack Obamas. We elect Hillary Clintons and John Edwards. We elect McCains and Giulianis. We elect Romneys and Thompsons. If they'd only run, we'd elect Al Gores and Bill Clintons. We resurrect the corpses of our political past to guide our future. It's what we do, it's what we've done and it's what we're doing. I, like America, prefer the experienced to the inexperienced. I prefer the prepared, able statesman to the young, na?