Last Tuesday marked the 49th anniversary of the first ever Law Day, established by President Dwight D. Eisenhower as a means to thwart May Day celebrations, which are annually some of the biggest celebrations for socialists across the world. May Day is, and was, a celebration of the labor movement and the working class and a very important tool in fueling nationalist sentiments for the Soviet Union.

The intent of Eisenhower's Law Day, declared on May 1, was to engender a sentiment of "national dedication to the principle of government under laws." Initially, Eisenhower's counter-holiday worked well in drawing attention to the principles of justice and liberty in the United States, as well as being a declaration of resistance against communism by boosting support for international law.

Unfortunately — as can be seen by the fact that you have probably never heard of Law Day before — Ike's holiday has moved into society's periphery, and it has done so at the worst of times.

In a time when judicial integrity and honesty seem to be a thing of the past, I can't help but feel it my duty to restore the foundational principles of equality, balance and reason, upon which Lady Justice has stood for so long.

And how will I go about doing this you ask? Well, by doing the only thing I see fit: throwing a 50th Anniversary Law Day Bash next May 1 and by making sure to invite all those in need of remembering and rekindling the spirit of judicial integrity to join in the festivities. As a matter of fact, I've already begun to write my first invitations.

Dear former state Sen. Chuck Chvala, D-Madison,

The recent suspension of your law license from the state of Wisconsin will make you a perfect guest for my Law Day '08 party, and I hope you will grace us with your presence. The fact that the Wisconsin Supreme Court found you guilty of misconduct in 2002, that you were sentenced in May of last year to nine months in prison for violating campaign finance laws and that you have been accused of using state employees for partisan purposes will ensure a memorable evening of recollecting the spirit of legal integrity at next year's bash. And seeing as you were once state Senate majority leader, I'm sure you'll have some great stories to tell about exactly how you rose to the top of the Legislature with such dishonest and corrupt practices. Please RSVP at your earliest convenience.

Dear former state Sen. Brian Burke, D-Milwaukee,

I know that you and your good friend Mr. Chvala have been busy attending mandatory legal ethics classes, but I would like to take this time to invite you to my 50th anniversary celebration of Law Day. The recent suspension of your law license and the increasing speculation of your further involvement in a legislative caucus scandal will make you a perfect fit for the party. And don't worry, I am quite aware that you have been ordered by the Office of Lawyer Regulation to repay the $11,000 cost of your investigation, so the bar will be free. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Dear recently elected state Supreme Court Justice Annette Zeigler,

It is my distinct privilege to invite you to be the guest of honor at next year's 50th anniversary celebration of Law Day. Not a single person in the state of Wisconsin has shown such disregard for the principles of law as you have, Ms. Zeigler. As a matter of fact, I would encourage you to prepare a small speech about the incredible mishandling of your legal history so as to enlighten us with the details of exactly how not to pursue a career in law. Not a soul is more deserving of this honor, seeing as you are currently under investigation for hearing cases involving the bank at which your husband serves on the board of directors. Your ability for disregarding the law, even though you were recently elected to uphold it, is a slice of legal irony that has already made me laugh my way to tears. Please contact me soon, Annette.

A note to all invitees, BYOT (Bring Your Own Textbooks): There will be plenty of drinking games involving your first-year "Ethics of Law" textbooks, so please dust them off and/or pull them out of the fireplace in time for next May's festivities.

And for all you out there hoping to be invited, fear not, if you want to come badly enough, I'm sure the ethics board or a governmental watchdog will dig something up and drop me your name in time for me to squeeze you on the list.

I really can't wait, and before I know it, I'll have a house full of drunken public officials rekindling the sentiment of Dwight D. Eisenhower and his ever-so-pertinent holiday. And before you know it, you might actually see a change in the way our public officials consider the rule of law — with equality, balance and reason — all in the spirit of Law Day.

Andy Granias ([email protected]) is a sophomore majoring in political science and international studies.