Millions of years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, it was a much simpler time for fashion. Tony T-Rex and Donald Diplodocus would just get up and go around munching on leaves or each other, with minimal regard to their outer garments, or lack thereof.
Even early man — Adam notwithstanding — in bison skin togas and loincloths probably didn't give too much thought to his wardrobe beyond whether to go with the single- or dual-shoulder-strap look. I mean, you never saw Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble ever give his garb a first thought, much less a second.
Fast-forward to today, and the University of Wisconsin finds itself in a major wardrobe malfunction with Adidas, the worldwide footwear and athletic wear conglomerate.
Despite what the band Korn might say, Adidas' main focus for UW is to provide the school's athletic gear for all sports teams while also owning the rights to sell Badger apparel.
The problem: Several groups are accusing Adidas of unfair labor practices that include allegations of sweatshops and underage workers.
Thus far, there has been no definitive answer as to the validity of these allegations, and Adidas has been cooperative in inquires and investigations in their factories, a sign they have nothing to hide, so I won't waste your time and mine hunting and pecking my way toward supporting or bashing the brand with the three stripes.
However, I do have a message for those who are calling for UW Chancellor John Wiley to cancel the contract that UW currently has with Adidas.
Be careful what you wish for.
Two words of caution to those who want nothing more than to see a new company represent Badger athletics: Oregon Ducks.
The University of Oregon is represented by Nike, and in recent years, the Duck football team has looked part horrendous and part Richard Simmons. No, there haven't been leg warmers and excessive use of multicolored spandex, but it has been close. The Oregon uniforms have included such design elements as plated steel indentations and have incorporated colors that are not part of the Flying V's color palette, such as black and silver.
The Fowl currently have more than 150 uniform combinations. To put it bluntly, if college football were a giant episode of "Project Runway," you could expect to see Oregon eliminated roughly by the time the opening credits finished running — or whenever Heidi Klum got knocked up again, whichever comes first.
Nike hasn't only offended the irises of the non-colorblind in the Beaver State either. In fact, they have caused fashion nightmares in the already unsightly locales of Gainesville, Fla. (University of Florida) and Blacksburg, Va. (Virginia Tech), giving the schools jerseys that had one sleeve colored differently than the other, as if the teams were throwing gang signs out on the field. The one-rolled-up-pant-leg uniform is almost certainly in the works.
Wisconsin fans don't want their team to be the guinea pig team that is forced to wear it once Nike completes it, do they?
This leads us to the crux of the problem: Is there really a better alternative to Adidas? The Evil Empire of footwear — let's call them Air Vader — would be the obvious choice and could even give UW a better marketing base than las tres rayas. However, the otherwise lovely Madison environment would find itself polluted by the school's athletic teams' radioactive color combinations.
However, Nike has had more sweatshop allegations than J-Lo has had husbands, so there seems to be no advantage to changing from Adidas to Nike sponsorship.
Sure, there are other alternatives besides Nike, but they are all a step down from Adidas, at least in the resources and marketability the company can offer. Plus, they all have strong downsides, too.
For example, other athletic sponsor alternatives include And1; do you really want the Badgers becoming part of the And1 Mix Tape with a DJ on the field for all events? What about Under Armour — while protecting this house is nice, the catchphrase would get old faster than McCulley Culkin — and how about Russell Athletic — who likes Kurt Russell anyway? And last, Bike Athletic — if you had an old-school coach or a semi-athletic father, you've seen Bike shorts and know why this is simply unacceptable.
If it becomes fact that Adidas is truly exploiting workers, UW management will have some serious decisions to make. However, to prematurely cancel a relationship with the apparel provider will have dire consequences. If they do, the new most important piece of equipment will become sunglasses.
Dave McGrath ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in journalism and English. He is also the sports editor of The Badger Herald.
