I have always felt the relationship between Madison's bikers and pedestrians has been marred by disrespect and disregard on the part of pedestrians for us bikers. Nowhere is this egregious behavior more aptly displayed than on the eastbound stretch of bike lane between Park Street and Lake Street. Yes, fair reader, you know exactly what I'm referring to: The bike lane you have uncaringly and illegally turned into a sidewalk. I refer to the area around what was once the dilapidated University Square. Sound familiar? Are you of this ilk, dear reader? A violator of the eastbound University Avenue bike lane? If so, read carefully. You have made your bed, criminal, and now I intend to put you to sleep in it.

And by put you to sleep in it I, of course, mean write a scathing opinion column deriding your insensitive disregard for the safety and schedules of scores of Madison's bike riders — myself included. While walking down this bike lane, do you feel the sudden heat of my unabashed derision as I slip by your hunched and slow-moving form, narrowly missing the cement divider that keeps me from colliding with oncoming traffic? Do you hear the mumbled expletives of disgruntled bikers, intent on arriving at their destination on time, but slowed by your giggly insistence to walk three-abreast down a narrow bike lane? Westbound pedestrians, do you see the glares, once of slight annoyance, now of hatred and violence? Eastbound and most baneful of pedestrians, do you know that, with your backs turned to our approaching bicycles, you make a rather agreeable target for a swift kick to your tender hindquarters?

The bicycle is a statement. To me, that statement says something about my desire to sleep in until 15 minutes before my horribly early 8:50 a.m. class and still be able to arrive on time. The bike tells you that, to its rider, expedience is essential. However, your clear violation of the "Pedestrians Prohibited" signs, clearly and legibly posted — in our native English, no less — undermines the very fabric of bicycling. Perhaps you are unsure of the definition of "prohibited." Perhaps you are unaware that you are, indeed, a pedestrian. Perhaps you are illiterate.

Bicycling is a swift, safe and economical way of arriving at a destination. You illegal post-University Square bike lane walkers have effectively done away with these factors. How, you ask? Well, your inconsiderate actions on University Avenue's bike lane are slowing us down, endangering our lives and threatening extended stays in emergency rooms and hospital wards. Health-care prices are nothing to laugh about, but your uncaring gait and wildly flailing arms — perhaps to better illustrate a story you are relating to several of your friends who are also obstructing the bike lane — are indicative of the hilarity that you attribute to health-care prices and the lives of bikers.

Laugh no longer. I intend to bring your actions to light. What to you may seem a convenient shortcut and a light inconvenience to us bikers is in fact a crime. Section 18.1 of the City of Madison ordinances clearly states that it is unlawful to "gather in crowds or groups, or for any person to stand on any public street or sidewalk in such manner as to obstruct free passage thereon, or to annoy other persons passing along the same." My fellow bikers and I are thoroughly annoyed by your senseless obstruction of our bike lane. Your actions, therefore, are in clear violation of said ordinance.

The great city of Madison has done a wonderful job of providing people like me with a convenient and well-regulated way of getting from point A to point B on a bicycle. However, uncaring pedestrian, your daily disregard for low and order, your insensitive choice to mingle with us cyclists in our rightful bike lane, has resulted in the slow and tepid destruction of the law and order that defines our civilization and has established Madison as a city that all in the Midwest can look to for a bicycling exemplar. I shall offend many a loved one and friend with the following statement: You are no more than a common criminal who violates the sacredness of the eastbound bike lane on University.

I call upon all bikers in Madison to unite. I encourage you not to engage in hateful violence but instead in educating violators with rhetoric. Yell, shout, and scream such statements like: "You are an annoying obstruction, thereby committing an act most illegal."

The fact is we're in this together until Steve Brown gets that building up. It will take the cooperation of both bikers and pedestrians to ensure no one is hurt on this most dangerous of stretches.

Gerald Cox ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in economics and Middle Eastern studies.