The first column of the year is always a tough one. Not only has my writing ability been atrophying for a good three months, but I've pretty much forgotten how exactly to go about beginning the process of composing an opinion piece — this rambling is actually all I have to show for three hours of blankly staring at a computer screen.

Anyhow, my deadline for this piece is only two hours away and my roommates are in the next room watching "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," so, I think I may have an idea. As some of you may recall, my good friend and co-Heralder, Rob Hunger, was quite fond of the late Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and would, on occasion, emulate the counter-culture icon's writing style. Having graduated last spring, Rob is a constant reminder of my impending departure from a collegiate world I've probably grown far too comfortable with. Considering he's probably on a plane headed toward South Korea right now for a yearlong teaching engagement, I think I'll dedicate this composition to Rob. In the spirit of gonzo journalism, I will attempt to ride this column out in stream-of-consciousness fashion, not resting until I've hit 700 words or so.

Although the last three hours of my life have been spent laboriously straining to select a topic on which to write, I think I'll scrap all of the ideas that ran through my mind and simply start by describing my summer (I had promised The Herald's new opinion editors — who are probably having a heart attack as they read this — I would write advice to the incoming freshman class, but this topic should come close enough anyhow — after all, I spent my summer working as a Student Orientation and Registration guide) and seeing where that leads me.

Working for SOAR — and I should clarify that my job title was actually "New Student Leader" rather than "SOAR guide" due to a change implemented this year — I learned that helping operate a freshman orientation program is not quite the cakewalk I had hoped or expected it would be. The job's benefits — freedom from physical labor, ample portions of down time, eating on the university's dime, socializing for money — were not quite negated, but were somewhat diminished by its downfalls (awkward and contrived conversations, evenings regularly spent in the games room with new students — to your credit, many of you freshmen seemed pretty damn cool, but, seriously, every evening?), walking the fine line between promoting the university's message and appeasing my own conscience, explaining to parent A — who has not even come to grips with the fact that his son, Billy, might occasionally be staying awake past 9 p.m. — that the beliefs held by parent B — who thinks every night in Madison devolves into a drug-induced orgy — are slightly unfounded (unless I'm simply hanging around with the wrong people).

You know, having dug up all of these SOAR memories, I might be able to dispense some advice to you freshmen after all. First: you guys need to be more conscientious. I hope you realize that it was as awkward for me as it was for you in those small discussions on Bascom Hill — that was simply not a natural social situation. Maybe you should have contributed a little more to the conversation after my fifth posing of the question, "So, what is your biggest worry in coming to college?" Honestly, I was barely hanging on — living from word to word.

One other thing (and this is serious): enjoy your time here! I'm not kidding. I'll be graduating this spring, and I still don't think I'm able to fully appreciate the kind of life I've been able to lead while at the University of Wisconsin. But, overall, don't worry, class of 2010; you're a good-looking bunch of kids, and I think things will work out for you.

Here I am, 15 minutes later, and with quite a few more words on the page. The point is this: I don't really have a point. What I do have, however, is an obligation to occupy a predetermined portion of space on page [insert page number here] of the Badger Herald. And I think I've met said obligation … now.

Rob Rossmeissl ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in journalism and political science.