Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Did you know that four out of five cannibals prefer vegetarians?

I've been a vegetarian for eight years now, and I've heard my share of vegetarian jokes — many of them from my two brothers. Even the Hugh Grant movie "Notting Hill" takes a crack at vegetarians. Grant is on a blind date with a fruitarian, a woman who will only eat fruit that has fallen from trees and is thus already dead. "So … these carrots," Grant says, gesturing toward the bowl of cooked vegetables on the table, "have been murdered, yes?" His date replies with a creepy seriousness: "Gosh, how beastly. Poor carrots." Grant stammers.

It's easy to see why vegetarians are the butt of jokes. Let's face it: some vegetarians do get condescending, self-righteous or just weird about their dietary choices. But a whole lot of different people fall under the vegetarian umbrella. And since I'm often asked to explain my reason for abstaining from meat, I thought I'd take a shot at discussing vegetarianism, though I'm certainly not out to convert the world.

In the vegetarian family, pesco-vegetarians — like myself — are those who eat eggs, dairy products and fish. I can't speak for all of those who fall into this category, but I didn't give up red meat, pork and poultry out of a belief that eating animals was inherently unnatural. Rather, I believe that humans are rational (well, sometimes), and as such should kill animals humanely, if at all, after raising them in a humane way. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case in our society, and knowing this made me permanently lose my appetite for meat. In my mind, fish are an exception because I don't believe that fish suffer as other animals do, and because fish-hatcheries may actually help with the environmental problem of over-fishing. (This belief alone makes me a heretic by some vegetarian standards.)

Some people are ovo-lacto-vegetarians, meaning they eat eggs and dairy products but no fish; some are lacto-vegetarians, who consume dairy products but no eggs. Still others are vegans, who do not eat any foods that come from animals.

Recent studies show the number of vegetarians in the United States hovers somewhere between around two and five percent, without differentiating between types of vegetarians. These people are likely to live in big cities, on the East or West Coast, and a majority of them are female. Around six percent of American 18- to 29-year-olds consume no meat, poultry or fish.

In Mumbai, India, around 30 percent of the population follows a lacto-vegetarian diet out of religious conviction that killing anything living or with the potential for life is morally wrong. Many other religions restrict the type of meat people can eat or the conditions in which they can eat it. Jews who keep kosher will not eat pork or shellfish, and must separate milk from meat; Muslims do not eat meat from carnivores or omnivores. Although the practice has died down in recent years, for centuries all Christians substituted meat with fish on Fridays.

Nevertheless, it's actually a challenge to keep a meatless diet in much of the Western world. When I became a vegetarian, I still lived in France, where asking a waiter what options on the menu are meatless is likely to earn you a raised eyebrow and an incredulous look. Vous êtes végétarienne? Mais pourquoi? Why in the name of the bon dieu would you give up meat?

(Think of Aunt Voula's horrified cry in the film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding": "What do you mean he don't eat no meat?! Oh, that's okay. I make lamb.")

When grocery shopping, I find myself studying the labels on soups, looking for chicken broth. Cans of baked beans often have ham in them; tomato sauces frequently contain beef. If you want cage-free chicken eggs, you have to hunt them down. I'm used to it now, but there's no doubt that becoming a vegetarian forces you to think in detail about what you're eating.

San Francisco may be the vegetarian Mecca, but Madison does have eateries that cater readily to veggie-lovers, such as Kabul, the Mediterranean Café, Noodles and Company, the Caspian Café, Himal Chuli, Husnu's, Catacombs Coffeehouse and the Sunroom Café, just to name a few. Of course, the stricter the vegetarian diet, the more difficult it is to dine out.

So, how many meat-eaters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They'd rather not see how their food was made. Maybe one of these days I'll convince my brothers to try a tofu burger. Until then, I'm happy to leave others to their own eating habits.

Cynthia Martens ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in Italian and European Studies.