Just outside the Dells this weekend, we saw a wonderful sign. It was one of those with the rearrangeable letters, I think in front of a craft store, but maybe it was a bed & breakfast or something to do with cheese.

On the side facing east, it read: “Dissent is as American as arrogance.” On the other side: “HI.”

We laughed hard, and we scratched our heads over the mathematics of the sign. Certainly, no one’s going to argue that arrogance isn’t an American trait. Growing up, we have it hammered into us that we live in the greatest country in the world. At the doctor’s office, we read National Geographic and marvel at all the wacky hut-living bare-breasted societies that apparently comprise the entire rest of the earth.

And we are, on the whole, a nation of wealth and privilege. And if we have good things, that must mean we deserve them, right? So we’re arrogant. Me too.

Therefore, dissent must also be a defining American characteristic, according to the sign’s logic. OK, sure. We’re also a nation characterized by plurality, the melting pot or mosaic or chef salad or whatever the metaphor used in today’s elementary-school social-studies classes is. We’re an individualistic society, valuing the single person over the whole. We can say whatever we want about the government, unless it’s a death threat. We don’t have to agree with our leaders or each other, and we don’t. So, dissent.

So the sign makes sense. But what does this equation mean? Arrogance equals America. Dissent equals arrogance. Therefore, by the transitive property, dissent equals America.

Dissent equals arrogance? What?

I realize this isn’t a straight mathematical problem. It would work better with numbers; most things do, but then the depth and shading that make life interesting vanish into a plastic wilderness of bright lights and sharp corners. But I digress.

It’s not as if the sign writer is claiming that dissent and arrogance are both equal to 14. However, the setup of the equation puts them in the same category, not equivalent but not far from it. Almost it seems that dissent is a form of arrogance.

It can be. Shouting a position down without listening to it is arrogant; it runs on the assumption that the other position is worthless and that you, in your infinite wisdom, know this intuitively.

But all forms of dissent, everywhere? Is it arrogance to have an opinion? If you believe someone is wrong, and if you’ve heard and considered their position, given the matter careful thought, checked your stance for gaping holes, then I would think it’s your job to speak up.

Not in all cases, of course (“I’ve consulted with the experts, and, contrary to your glowing opinion, your kids are repellent brats who ought to be vaporized”). But if there’s, say, a war you don’t think should be happening, or a policy that strikes you as unjust or stupid, speaking up isn’t arrogant. It’s responsible.

Humming “God Bless the U.S.A.” through clenched teeth, on the other hand, isn’t humility. In the New Testament, nowhere in the Sermon on the Mount does Jesus say “Blessed are those who shut their pieholes.” The meek, yes — so if we refrain from bragging about how smart our opinions are, we should be fine.

Moving to the other side of that overanalyzed marquee sign: “HI.” Hi to you too, confusing sign writer, or possibly confusing sign writer’s small child.

I wonder if it means anything that the ambiguous political statement faces east, toward Madison, however many square miles of cliché surrounded by reality blah blah. You are correct in saying, “Probably not” and flipping to the comics. But what if? Maybe the damn dirty hippies streaming out of Madison are supposed to see that side of the sign and go “Whoa, that’s deep.” And possibly get haircuts.

Whereas the people coming from the west, presumably those who haven’t yet made it to Madison for their leftification, get a cheery greeting. They go on their way thinking, “My, what a friendly little craft shop/ cheese shop/ B&B,” and their views are not challenged at all. Unless they look out the back windshield.

Speaking of signs, it might interest many of you to know that the Arby’s in Apple Valley, Minn., is now advertising, “Try our new pot sandwich.”

Jackie May ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in English.