President Barack Obama’s recent budget proposal to Congress for 2017 included defunding abstinence-only education, rocking the religious right and conservatives all over the U.S.
While abstinence education has deservedly gotten a bad rap, as it has led to increases in teen pregnancies and HIV, the failure of abstinence-only education to keep young people effectively healthy and happy has given abstinence itself a bad rap as well.
This is unfortunate because abstaining from sexual activity is essential for many people to build comfortable sexualities and experiences.
The hook-up culture in universities often leads students to assume everyone is having sex. Despite these norms, plenty of people have never had sex, plan on remaining abstinent for the time being, or do not see sex in their future at all.
Folks refrain from sexual activity for all sorts of reasons. No matter their background or motive, people should never be pushed to participate in activities they have no interest in.
Though abstinence tends to refer to extended periods of time, some may choose to be abstinent for shorter spells. Perhaps they have engaged in sex before and have decided to wait until a long-term, serious partner comes along. Folks tested positive for STIs might also remain abstinent in order to prevent passing along the infection to partners. Some medical treatments, procedures and contraceptives require a period of abstinence.
Those who practice faith often regard chastity as a virtue and choose to abstain from sex until marriage or a committed, long-term relationship.
No matter the belief system and its implications, treat such choices with the utmost respect. People who choose to remain abstinent until marriage often look forward to sharing the vulnerability of their first sexual experience with a life partner.
Of course, marrying someone without having sex beforehand comes with its own risks. In one extreme example, a newlywed discovered too late she was allergic to her husband’s sperm. More commonly, couples may find that they are sexually incompatible after marriage.
Married couples sometimes learn of a libido mismatch or fetish imbalance after they have already promised to have sex exclusively with one another. Of course, fiancés can become intimate and learn plenty about one another’s bodies ahead of time to make the wedding night as pleasurable as possible.
Unfortunately, viewing virginity as a virtue has placed excessive value on remaining chaste. Brides are still expected to wear white to symbolize their purity, and in many places, presence of a hymen must be confirmed before marriage.
The hymen, however, may not act as a good indicator for virginity. Plenty of things can tear the hymen aside from intercourse, such as horseback riding, tampons, gymnastics and masturbation. Virginity is no more “pure” than sex is “dirty” — these traditional cultural connotations should hold no power over ability to make autonomous decisions about sexuality. Demand respect and reject shame for sexual choices, whatever that entails.
The breadth of contraceptives and barrier methods available to sexually active humans does not change the fact that abstinence remains the only fool-proof method to avoid unplanned pregnancies and STIs. Let it be known that STIs and HIV can still be passed along through oral-genital or oral-anal contact.
People who identify as asexual simply do not experience sexual attraction. Some asexual people continue to experience sexual desire — some do not. Some asexual people masturbate — some do not. Some asexual people experience romantic attraction — some do not. This is called aromanticism.
Asexuality does not indicate medical issues or trauma, but many continue to perceive lack of sexual attraction as a pathological problem. In a culture that simultaneously uses sex to sell products and shames individuals for having sex, navigating an asexual identity can be difficult. Most asexual people would not consider themselves “abstinent” since lack of interest in sex is integral to their identity.
Whether essential to orientation, part of a belief system or purely for personal lifestyle reasons, abstinence runs the risk of being left in the dark in sexual health discourse. But when discussing sex, it is just as important to acknowledge those who are abstinent.
