This week it’s all about buttholes and how you can pleasure them. Anal play can be as intense as full-on penetration or as gentle as a finger pressing against the anus. Of course, not everyone is into anal or has to be! It’s just an option out there for those interested in exploring some new territory between the cheeks.

Why do people enjoy anal play?

Although anal activities are commonly associated with gay male partners, people of all sexual orientations and identities participate in them. In fact, 46 percent of women admit to trying anal sex. People of all genders have an abundance of nerve endings in the rectum and area surrounding the anus. The sensitive membranes, which make up the internal and external sphincter muscles, control the opening and closing of the anus, facilitating pain or pleasure during penetration.

In male-bodied folks, anal play can stimulate the prostate (or the “male G-spot”). Men who experience prostate orgasms report incredible results, describing their climax as “deeper.” Inserting two fingers into the rectum and making a “come-hither” motion while your partner lies on their back can find this spot.

Not to worry, female bodies also enjoy this stuff! Anal penetration in women indirectly stimulates the internal “legs” of the clitoris. In general, anal works well with domination and submission because it can result in such an exciting power play dynamic. Its cultural associations with taboo thrills people. Now that you’re aware of how pleasurable anal play can be, let’s investigate different butthole activities.

What can I do with a butthole?

The first act that most people think of when they hear “anal” is penetrative sex. You can stick plenty of things in your butt, by yourself or with consenting partners — penises, dildos or even cucumbers. But there is plenty more to explore besides just sticking a phallic object all the way in there.

Sex toys make great tools to stimulate an anus. Anal beads are multiple spheres attached together and inserted through the anus and into the rectum. When removed (at varying speeds), the balls pass through the narrow sphincter of the anus, which is full of nerve endings. Some even vibrate!

Butt plugs are also inserted into the rectum for pleasure. They look similar to a dildo, but tend to be shorter, and have a flared end so that the device will not get lost inside the rectum. In fact, anything you put in your butt should have a flared end — nobody wants to go to the hospital because they have something stuck up there (unlike the vagina, which ends at the cervix, rectums just keep on going).

Butt plugs can either be inserted and kept in during sexual activity or moved in and out. If you don’t have any toys available, fingering or licking the butthole produces great results. Flicking a tongue over it or inserting a pinky (as with the famous “shocker”) into the anus can produce explosive results for your partner. But wait. If butt stuff is so great, then why are so many people worried about discomfort during anal activities? That mostly has to do with people not using enough lube, time or having enough patience.

I want to do butt stuff. How? Are there risks?

First, since some people consider anal to be a kinkier activity, it should be discussed openly and honestly so you can obtain consent. All partners involved should realize that anal sex is nothing like it is depicted in pornography, where there are no condoms, no lube and complete insertion is achieved quickly and painlessly.

In reality, anal play should involve lots and lots of lube. If there is insertion involved, partners should consider working from a small object (like a pinky) at first, working up to bigger ones (like a dildo). Penetration should occur with lots of checking in. Going slow is essential as well, so that everyone can enjoy the sensations without pain.

Certain positions work better than others for anal penetration, such as doggy style (with the inserting partner behind, receptive partner on their hands and knees), spooning (lying down with inserting partner as the big spoon) and receptive partner on top to control depth and speed. You can also lick on/around/in a butthole. Some people worry that this means they will get poop on themselves. But if you are showered and wipe properly, this shouldn’t be much of an issue.

The risks with anal activities are slightly different from others. The anus and rectum are not self-lubricating, meaning that there is a higher risk for tears and therefore passing along STIs. Using lube can dramatically lower chances of tearing, however, and make it more pleasurable, too. If you’re performing a rim job (licking a butthole), then there is a higher risk of passing along a food-borne illness, such as e-coli or hepatitis C.

By using a barrier method such as a sex dam (just a sheet of latex used to cover things you want to lick), you can lower your chance of infection drastically. Of course, barrier methods should be used for anything going inside your anus (unless you know everyone’s STI status and have agreed upon no protection with your partner). Remember, you should not insert something into the anus and then into a vagina without changing condoms; those ecosystems of bacteria shouldn’t mix.

What’s the moral of the story? Butt stuff can be awesome — if you use lots of lube and have patience.

Are there specific topics you have questions about or are just interested in? Do you have a question about your own sex life or relationships that you would like me to answer (anonymously or not)? Email me at [email protected]!