It’s an iconic scene from “When Harry Met Sally”: Harry and Sally sit at a booth discussing orgasms when Sally claims, “Most women at one time or another have faked it.” When Harry disagrees, she shows him what many people indeed know how to replicate: the squirming, screaming ecstasy that appears to be an explosive climax. Harry’s shock is evident: have his partners been faking it all these years? Well, maybe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZluzt3H6tk

Results from Yahoo! online surveys indicate 37-50 percent of women and 31-48 percent of men admit to faking an orgasm at least once (yes, men can fake orgasms). I think it’s important to discuss the worrisome causes and the harmful effects of faking orgasms. Plus, if you’re getting some but not getting off, maybe this will help out.

Why do some fake it?

Chances are if you’re sexually active, you’ve had a partner check in with you about whether or not you’ve had an orgasm. It’s nearly a sexual norm for someone to ask, “So…did you finish?” Most people consider it an important question, especially if they regard orgasms as the most essential part of sexy time.

If one partner puts enough pressure on another to have an orgasm because they place so much importance in it, they might find themselves with a partner who acts out their orgasms. In fact, over 25 percent of respondents to an ABC news poll claimed that they fake orgasms in order “to please [their] partner.”

If you’ve ever been in the throes of a particularly long marathon of sex, perhaps you’ve considered launching into a fake orgasm to finish up faster. Some people may get bored during sex, or maybe they’re getting sore, distracted or tired. Whatever the case, it is far better to communicate that disinterest rather than pretending that it is suddenly awesome.

You might find yourself faking orgasms so that no one’s feelings get hurt. Perhaps you usually have an orgasm and you’re having an off day and don’t want your partner to think it was bad sex. Or maybe it was bad sex and you just want it to be over. There are a multitude of reasons that people of all genders fake orgasms.

Men Can Fake It, Too.

I’m sure everyone is wondering about that statistic I mentioned regarding the number of men who fake orgasms. It might seem a little more difficult since there is often proof at the end of a male orgasm, but people with penises can put on an act too. A pseudo-orgasm for a male-bodied person becomes much easier when a condom is involved because the lack of evidence can be snatched away; after all, how likely is the average person to check the tip of a used condom for jizz?

Although men can fake orgasms, women certainly become actresses in the sack at higher rates. Women definitely have more difficulty achieving orgasms; over 80 percent of women require clitoral stimulation in order to climax (and not all of those women receive it). Not all sex positions hit that clitoris, which is why it’s helpful to use hands or toys or tongues to stimulate that magic button. On average, people with vaginas need an extra twenty minutes of foreplay.

Some speculate that more female-bodied folk fake orgasms because of a society that puts emphasis on male sexual pleasure. There absolutely is more shame surrounding female masturbation than for male, despite the fact that all masturbation is a great stress reliever as well as the best way to find out what works for you sexually.

Don’t Fake It. Make It.

There are quite a few reasons why faking orgasms isn’t great for your partner or for you. Those phony climaxes are probably well-acted enough to make your partner happy. This will reinforce whatever they were doing to you at that moment, which means they will do it again with the expectation of more orgasms. And since those moves never worked in the first place, they probably won’t suddenly start to work. Of course, dishonesty is also a factor. Any partner who gets jazzed about your orgasms will probably be hurt if they ever discover that you’ve been faking the whole time.

The best way to know what makes you cum is by masturbating and finding out for yourself. This way when your partner asks you for tips, you can tell (and maybe show) him or her what works. Communication, as always, is essential. It’s important to speak up if you don’t feel like having sex anymore. And if you’re still into it but need a change of pace, something as simple as saying “a little to the left, please” can turn those fake moans into real ones. That doesn’t have to be the best part, but it can be pretty great.