A recent study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison has shown something strange, but intriguing — there is a direct correlation between those who frequently fix their hair during online lectures and those who have higher GPA’s.
It began when sophomore Laney Thompson noticed something was going on with her grades.
“It was so bizarre,” Thompson said. “The one lecture I decided to curl my hair in — camera off, of course, until I was done — ended up being the unit I did best on during the midterm.”
Professor of Human Vanity Margaret Morton concurred with Thompson’s hypothesis — fixing your hair during a Zoom lecture may actually lead to better test scores.
“I had to see if she was onto something,” Morton said. “It felt like Christmas. This is what anyone in my field dreams of doing.”
And thus, the UW Hair Study was born. Students were selected at random to complete an assessment of standard quantitative reasoning and reading comprehension questions over Zoom. Half of the students could see their faces in the pixelated little boxes up top and half had their cameras off.
The results were outstanding.
“100% of students who had their cameras on were constantly fixing their bangs, retying their ponytails, etc. These students got all the questions right. However 100% of the students who did not have their cameras on and likely didn’t care about their appearance or how their hair looked, got every question wrong,” Morton said. “I could not believe it.”
The study generated buzz throughout the student body, causing one student to take his curiosity into his own hands.
While scientists have yet to provide data behind the readjusting of one’s locks and the increasing firing of neurons in the brain, senior Brad Lee seems to think there is a connection.
“I’ve been growing my hair out since high school, so it’s super voluptuous and curly,” Lee said while sliding his snapchat username across the table. “I lightly twirl my curls when I’m bored in lecture or trying to distract the ladies of Psych 202. But when I pull my hair, I swear I can think better.”
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Lee is planning on hosting his own socially distanced hair pulling experiment with funding from an undisclosed donor. While Lee is proud of what is to come, he was hesitant about sharing details.
“Just know, it’s gonna be huge,” Lee said.
With new information being uncovered at every moment, the possibilities of what we can do with this new discovery are endless. While Zoom is hopefully temporary, staring vainly at and fiddling with your own mop of hair may be revolutionary.
