When we last saw Suzy and Tim, they had escaped the chamber of doom. They now are face-to-face with Jon, armed with a full cup of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and ready to seek vengeance against the pair. But the two have a plan.
Suzy and Tim turned away from each other, feigning fear in front of Jon.
“I’ve got you now, you despicable pair,” Jon said. “No one needs either of you to function. Suzy, your papers do not need to be read. Tim, you have no more papers to write. It’s time to say goodbye.”
Jon’s coffee transformed from browned mocha bliss to a searing red slime. He positioned himself into a prime throwing pose, ready to seal Suzy and Tim’s fate with one splash of the liquid.
“You might have thought this here was coffee, but think again. This slime will freeze you both in your spots and force y’all to rot here for the rest of all time,” Jon said, incorporating a newfound southern twang into his typical proper vocabulary.
Jon hurled the liquid at Suzy and Tim, yet the stream of slime paused before any harm could be done. While Jon was busy lecturing and practicing how he will bore countless students once he receives his doctoral degree, Suzy used Tim’s tip to construct a new vortex back into reality. Apparently, if she started actually taking notes, new worlds opened up to her. Get it? It’s like that metaphor about knowledge.
“Hey Jon, remember when the entire class forgot to do the last night’s reading?” Suzy asked.
“You insolent child-adult-person, yes I do, it was many a day,” Jon replied.
“Well, we feel a lot more gratified now, it’s time to take some notes!” Tim exclaimed.
Suzy and Tim hopped through the portal as Jon ranted about how much his students grind his gears, completely ignoring the duo’s escape.
A bit disgruntled, the pair landed back in Humanities 3650, this time to a spot on the aisle that was not occupied. Suzy decided it seemed perfectly rational to stay in the aisle seat despite no students filling the middle section of the row as she was still spooked by the Ghost of Midterms Past.
“Well Suzy, thank you so much for getting me out of that lair,” Tim said. “It’s nice to feel a rush of oxygen and see so many students ready to learn once more.”
“No Tim, thank you,” Suzy said. She snuggled up with Tim in a gesture of affection which no student has felt towards a pencil since 1969.
The class began as many students pulled out their laptops to take notes. A shiver tingling down her spine, Suzy tucked her laptop away. Those vibes, she decided, were lost to mid-terms past.
Epilogue: Where are they now?
Suzy is loving her companion animals class and is happy to see a completely green screen on her DARS. She continues to use Tim for notes.
Tim is considering upgrading his eraser to one of those lit smiley face designs.
Jon splits his time between the underground and his discussion section, never failing to cancel his office hours at least once a month for a little torture.
Students still follow Suzy’s guideline to sit on the aisle seats in lecture halls even when the middle is open as a precaution to avoid spooks, even though this is inconvenient to late-coming students.
The Ghost of Mid-terms Past continues to haunt students to this day, are you next?