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The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Spooky Story Corner: A noble attempt

Suzy and Tim try to find their way out of the lair in this week’s installment
Spooky Story Corner: A noble attempt
Silvio Messina

When we last saw Suzy Snowden, she engaged in conversation with Tim, an aged wooden pencil who was cast aside into the abyss because of his lack of modern features. Tim informed Suzy that the only way to get out was to join together and try to go as a pair out of the lair. We now join the duo as they hatch a plan to leave.
Suzy, astute at figuring out how to get out of places, began knocking on different floorboards to see if they would creek open. She saw this happen in a “Scooby Doo” special once, so she thought it would work. Alas, to her chagrin, no exits appeared. She began to sob again, her wet tears now covering her dried tears and creating a mural of sorts resembling a river of tears.
“Don’t cry poor Suzy, we can figure this out together,” Tim the pencil said.

Spooky story corner: A tragic soliloquy

“How Tim?” Suzy lamented. “I’ve never had to try so hard in my life. Usually, I have the ability to google my answers on Quizlet for the solutions, but now I can’t.”

“Let’s put our heads together and think,” Tim said.

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Suzy didn’t understand metaphors and took this quite literally, raising Tim’s sharpened end to meet her temples. This, of course, did nothing.

Spooky Story Corner part one: The ghost of midterms past

“Tim this is pointless, we are powerless,” Suzy cried.

“Suzy, I need you to think,” Tim said, “You may think something is pointless, but as long as I am sharpened, I have a point. Now we’re going to think hard and figure out a way to leave these quarters and escape Jon’s clutches.”

Having enough of Tim’s words, she pressed his sharpened end to the piece of paper in front of her to make him stop talking. She really hated metaphors, her six literature credits were torture.

Suddenly, a terrifying rift developed in the lines of the paper. A skrelt was unleashed from the new divide as Suzy and Tim leaped back in terror.

“Argh, was is that?” Tim exclaimed.

Spooky Story Corner part two: The phantom of the abyss

“I don’t know, but I think it’s a good idea to stick my finger in it,” Suzy said.

Suzy filled the void with her phalange and did not feel any harm.

“Quick Tim, let’s tear this open!” Suzy yelled.

Tim tried to tear the void open, but he is a pencil and does not have opposable thumbs. Trying was futile. Suzy, on the other hand, had fully opposable thumbs and created a hole large enough for the two to slip through into a rather familiar setting.

“Hey, this isn’t Kansas anymore,” Suzy noticed. “But this is where I started when the ghost dragged me down! Wait, I’ve never been to Kansas, I should probably keep it that way.”

A slurp echoed through the dark chamber as a menacing figure appeared.

“Finished so soon Suzy?” Jon cackled. “I hope you did your footnotes!”

Face to face with the enemy, the duo froze in terror. Now armed with a tall iced coffee with skim milk, sugar and a flavor swirl of mocha, Jon looked to determine to lock the two in the lair forever.

Suzy and Tim gazed at each other one last time with a look that slowly turned from despair into hope.

Will Suzy and Tim leave the hallway and get back to that other dungeon called Humanities? Will Jon’s Dunkin’ Donuts give him superpowers to stop the pair’s advances? Was Spooky Story Corner an honestly interesting attempt to develop a serial on The Badger Herald’s pages but ultimately a failure? Find out next week in the final installment of Spooky Story Corner.

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