Ever been in a class and they ask for everyone to say one thing about themselves and you have no idea what to say? Well, doubt no further because these suggested phrases will be great jumping off points for when you find yourself in that blank state of potential embarrassment in front of your new peers.
1. “Anyone else get laid last night?”
Want to sound cool? Easy, talk about how much sex you have.
2. “Don’t tickle me…actually never mind, you can tickle me.”
Your peers will want to know whether or not you are open to tickles, so this could be a game-changer. This way you’ll convey you take this seriously but are open to classroom tickles.
3. “Thank you all very much for being here today.”
Don’t be impolite, thank your new classmates before they label you as the class asshole, or “classhole.”
4. “I’ve had diarrhea all morning just thinking about this class.”
Your body is your temple, express yourself while also giving your class a cool biological fact about you.
5. “I prefer attractive TAs.”
If you won’t stand for ugly TAs then do as they say in airports, and, “if you see something, say something.”
6. “When I grow up I’m gonna be a spaceman.”
You’re in school to achieve your dreams so just say it. The kid inside you will be smiling.
7. “I don’t a have a problem with most minorities.”
Don’t drop this one unless you’re planned to be labeled as the classroom racist for the rest of your semester. I wouldn’t recommend this phrase for most level headed people.
8. “Why bother sitting here if global warming is going to kill us all anyways?”
Global warming is a hot topic these days, so get the class to label you as the guy who cares about the environment and nothing else. Everyone loves a conservationist bad-boy!
9. “I eat worms.”
Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Doesn’t matter, I can personally guarantee this will turn heads.
10. “Only idiots can’t cook ratatouille.”
Show your confidence by calling out all those morons who don’t know how to cook the famous french dish. Everyone loves a good ratatouille, so this will surely get you respect in the classroom.
11. “All of those years of loan sharking finally paid off because I’m here now!”
This one really speaks for itself, but also leaves an air of mystery about who you were before college. Keep them guessing, have fun with it.
12. “My name is ____ and I voted for Donald Trump.”
Fuck it, be bold.
