Ned Bigby, you sly dog.

Posing as a rambunctious James K. Polk Middle School tween for years on Nickelodeon, it looks like Ned’s survival tips for navigating junior high may be equally as practical for steering the streets of Madison this weekend at the annual Mifflin Street Block Party.

You might want to grab a pen — these are worth writing down.

Well, you can’t do anything about the fact that your only option for hydration is warm Keystone Light. But what you can change is the fact that you’re still too sober to notice. Shotgun one or three of those bad boys and before you know it, that Keystone will be sliding down like water — no complaints here!

Talk about an attitude change. When life give you lemons, right?

From vomit pouring down from a two story balcony, to watching your trusty lab partner speed away to detox from across the street, Mifflin is the gift that keeps on giving.

When you wake up Sunday morning in clothes you don’t remember owning, don’t panic! When the hangover hits you like a ton of bricks, don’t panic! When you’re still drunk at 6 p.m. the next day, maybe panic, but try not to!

Without context it’s certainly unclear what this could mean, but a last-minute Mom job seems like something that could be unfit for Mifflin.

Think your lightweight housemate is the only one who’ll be seeing his pancakes and early morning mimosas twice? Think again.

Make sure you’re following the golden rule of Mifflin: Treat others who are spewing vomit like you’d like to be treated if you were spewing vomit.

Keep hair ties and bottles of water on deck. And remember that the best detox is absolutely not retox, but that certainly won’t stop anyone from pulling their head out of the toilet and springing into a keg stand before the clock strikes noon.

TeenNick

You’ve gone to a lot of trouble to get your hands on that solo cup. Just because the party’s outside doesn’t mean you have any less of a responsibility to watch your drink — believe it or not, shitty people come to Mifflin too.

You won’t believe this, but if you show Dean of Students Lori Berquam a signed note from University Health Services, she won’t make you do a single dissection the whole day. It’s almost too good to be true. Not one frog, cow eye or fetal pig here. For the first time ever, a dissection-free Mifflin — what a time to be alive.

There are so many things in your planner for this weekend: Achieve inappropriate levels of intoxication, disappoint your parents and bring dishonor to the family, beer bong, beer pong, steal from the generous homes that have opened their doors to you and be a leech on society in general.

Make sure to get it all down on paper before the big day comes and prioritize, prioritize, prioritize! You won’t want to miss any of it.